Customer Service

The other day I was ranting and ranting about some bad service that I had before Christmas at a local pub here in Denver. The Irish Snug has great prices for their happy hour - two for one on select beer, wine and cocktails and $3 appetizers that are really fantastic. Two appetizers is a total meal - some of them one appetizer is big enough for a meal for me. Anyway - we celebrated Mia's return with happy hour at the Irish Snug the week before Christmas and had the worst service I can remember having in a really long time. The server was downright rude and it took a long time to get what we had ordered. I mentioned to this friend that I would like to start talking about when I have great service as well as when I don't because in my world service can make or break an experience.

In that spirit I would like to share that I just this afternoon got great customer service from RedBox. The super inexpensive movie rental service that has kiosks at most McDonald's here in Denver. I know for a while they weren't all over the country but I don't know if they've expanded by now. In any case - on Friday I rented 2 movies for $1.00 per night and attempted to return them this afternoon. I put one movie in the machine and it didn't seem to be working correctly so I called the 800 number on the machine. I calmly explained what had happened and the guy on the other end of the phone credited my return of the first movie and told me he would send a technician out to the machine. He also told me that he would credit my account for the second movie for tonight so I wouldn't have to worry about getting it in later after the technician had been there. In my world this is great customer service - I would have been happy to bring that second movie back today if he gave me an estimated time that the machine would be fixed by, and still, without me even complaining, whining, or seeming otherwise forcefully angry he took care of it for me. Thanks RedBox.

Happy Christmas!

Here I go breaking my resolution to not post on the blog at my new job. Since it's the day after Christmas and there are about 12 of us here in the office (maybe less) I'm bored out of my mind and so posting it is.

I had a wonderful trip to Michigan for Christmas. I was able to spend some quality time with many of the people I love the most and coming back was (and in the moment still is) hard. My little niece (pictures here) is hysterical! She is ultra independent and talks and talks and talks. Only thing is, she's the only one who has any idea what she's saying. She uses hand motions and intonation so it sounds like she knows what she's talking about, problem is I understand about 6 of her words - Mommy, Daddy, juice, ball, baby and puppy. Her parents don't understand much more, so I don't feel too bad. She adores the sparkly pink shoes my sisters and I got her for Christmas, so I'm confident she's going to continue to grow up a girl after my own heart.

I really enjoyed the time I spent with my family. My sister borrowed a PlayStation, so my family Christmas included video games for the first time ever. In fact I would dare say this was the first time my parent's house had a game system in it. Thankfully the games she brought over were not car racing or shooting or what have you. We had Guitar Hero II - way fun - and a trivia game that I am currently undefeated at. Yup - I rock. I also loved just sitting around my parents house playing cards and eating. Have I mentioned the eating - it was AWESOME and I think I've put back on every last pound I lost this fall. While the detour away from the fresh fruits, veggies and generally low calorie meals was fun, I'm ready to be back on, because I feel better when I eat better.

I also truly believe that I made memories that will last forever this weekend. In addition to the aforementioned things, Friday night was hands down one of the best times I've had in a while. I spent the afternoon Christmas Shopping with Burt and then Tim and his wife Stephanie joined us for dinner at Bombay Cuisine - quite possibly the best restaurant in all of West Michigan. We then drove around and looked at Christmas lights and then had a good snowball fight and made a snowman up in a park on Coit Hill. I can not explain to you the deep connectedness I feel with these wonderful friends and there are so many days I wish my life would work better in Michigan so I could spend more face time with them. There is something deep within me, however, that is not willing to live there full time. I got the feeling though that I may see them in Denver before next Christmas, and that would be wonderful!

This has been one of my most favorite holiday seasons, despite what has been an otherwise tough few months. Thanks to every person I was able to share it with. Happy Christmas to all you who still read this blog :)

Starting the Day on the Wrong Shuttle

Ladies and Gentlemen I need some input. My dilemma is as follows:

Every morning I walk into downtown from my apartment and take the free mall shuttle from Capitol Hill to the building I work in. The mall shuttle drivers are ruthless - I've seen them shut things in the door (not quite a body part, but almost) and for whatever reason even though they stay on the same street and go back and forth they are in a hurry to get from here to there. Sometimes I figure they must just get bored driving on 16th Street only and so it's a bit of entertainment to see who they can inconvenience. That said there are times when I'm catching the shuttle at the station that if I start moving faster once they ring the door closing bell the driver will wait. On these occasions I give the driver a courtesy nod - similar to the nod I give drivers who let me into traffic. One morning within the last month I did just this and when I got off the shuttle the driver made a point to open his window and wish me a nice day. That day I thought - how sweet - and what a great way to start the day. Wellll - Since then I have found myself on said driver's shuttle a half dozen times. He watches me in the rear view mirror and waves when I get off the shuttle. It creeps me out a bit and this morning I avoided getting on his shuttle for this specific reason.

Now - short of wearing a big fat coat and a robber ski mask hat I have no idea what to do with this. Even when I was not getting on this guy's shuttle this morning he was watching me as he drove away. I have no way to talk to him and ask him to leave me alone because there's a barrier between the driver and the passengers. I'm thinking I may get on his shuttle the next time, catch the bus number and make a complaint to the bus people. Only it feels like I'm four years old and saying "stop looking at me." I just don't like how it feels to start my day like this. What do you think? Oh - and driving to work is just too expensive.

A Long One

Wow - so it's been 10 days since I've posted. Those ten days have been full of highs and lows - as they all are. Let me give you a recap.

The last weekend in November Sheralee's dear cat Mia escaped. We searched and searched and Sheralee was certainly heartbroken. After 15 days on the run, presumably with a very beautiful boy cat, she has returned home! I spent many of those 15 days with Sheralee, calling her name over the neighborhood, posting signs, and simply sitting in the sadness. I can't tell you the sheer joy that I felt when we finally found her out in the alley. Someone from about 8 blocks away thinks that she was hiding out in his basement - which is great because it's been snowy and the temperatures have been in the single digits at night.

Simultaneously I was dealing with a car that kept overheating. The mechanic replaced my radiator (this was not entirely a surprise) but when I got it back it was smoking. The mechanic assured me this was because there was some antifreeze on the radiator that needed to burn off. But it was really smoky, and a day later it started overheating again and then on my way home from the grocery store there was smoke coming in through the heater. In the middle of a snow storm. Thankfully the tow company agreed to take my car without my presence so Sheralee came and picked me up.

That same evening we celebrated Sheralee's sister's birthday with a pasty party. (The U.P. kind of pasty - not the boob kind of pasty.) It was great fun, even though Sheralee was still missing Mia. We ended up playing Apples to Apples and with this group it was truly enjoyable. At this party was a friend from Radius days I had not seen in at least a year. I totally forgot how much fun this particular friend was and I have seen her one time since the party. I hope I can see her more often.

I'm settling into my job. There are frustrating parts - particularly dealing with one of the people that I work with who is great to work with one day and abusive the next. I'm hoping for more good days than bad. I'm also frustrated to be on the placement agency's payroll yet - mostly because it means no holiday pay - but I'm more than half way through that program and thankful for that. The women who sit in the cubicles next to mine are great and I'm really starting to settle into the environment.

That said I'm also excited to work only two more days this week before I head back to Michigan for Christmas. It looks (fingers crossed) that Denver is not fated for another Christmas blizzard and I'm really hopeful to make it to GR as planned for the holiday. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family as well as a number of great friends who I miss dearly.

My internal journey has also been feeling positive these past few weeks. I've been talking with a number of people about how even though things are positively hard right now I feel more content with where I am than I have in quite a while and for that reason (mainly) I'm better equipped to deal with the struggles that are being sent my direction. I hope that this contentment and peace continues to grow and that I can continue to settle into myself in the coming years.

I think that's a good summary. Hope things are well for you. mg

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

I know that's not the real name, and, I heart Alicia Keys new song. It's a great one to belt out in the car, and it's just one of those songs that makes me feel good. Other things that are making me feel good - only two weeks until I'm in Michigan for Christmas!

Absence

As all 5 of my loyal readers have probably noticed my posting frequency has dropped significantly in the past few weeks. On the surface this is certainly because with the new job I'm certainly busier, and I haven't been as excited about being on the computer while I'm away from work. Dig a little deeper and I find that I just don't have as much that I'm compelled to talk about. Dig even a bit deeper and I find that I wonder if writing this blog hasn't strengthened my narcissistic tendencies. I was going to write that perhaps writing this blog has made me narcissistic, but that would just not be true. It's certainly made it easier to focus on myself, but I'm sure I would find some other way had there been no blog.

That said - while the last 72 hours have been a bit rough I am overall doing very well. I really like my new job and I think it's going to be challenging and a great fit. I'm also on a quest to see life as it really is. Not as I'd like it to be. Not rosy. What I mean is, I'm trying not to be surprised when shit happens. I'm hoping it helps me roll with the punches a bit better. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Laundry Inflation

I've just been reminded of that thing you learn in kindergarten - sometimes one naughty kid can spoil it for the rest of the class. I've just come up from the laundry room where a wash and dry of one load of laundry has gone up 75 cents. Now - in the long run 75 cents isn't that much money - however, what used to cost me $1.75 now costs $2.50, which translates to a 42% increase in the cost of doing laundry. There was a note taped to both washers and both dryers indicating that it had cost the landlord a hefty repair bill to fix the machine after someone had gotten a quarter with a string attached to it stuck. (i.e. they were trying to rip off the machine) My landlord seems to have taken this a bit personally and has understandably raised laundry prices to cover her costs. I really like my landlord - mostly because she's invested in making the building a great place to live - and I think that's probably why she took this personally. That and any attack on your pocketbook takes a little away from you - at least it does to me. My only wish (and I understand this is a pipe dream) is that whoever did this could take responsibility so that laundry costs could go down a bit. Whew - feel a bit better now - thanks!

Basking in the Glow

I think I will look back on this Thanksgiving for years to come and still get that warm feeling that starts in the pit of your stomach and spreads to the rest of your body. I woke up yesterday morning feeling as excited for Thanksgiving as I usually do for Christmas Morning and really never lost that feeling of excitement and celebration.

Sheralee hosted Thanksgiving and it ended up that we were 11 to sit and eat dinner at a table laid out in her living room. The company consisted of a few of Sheralee's neighbors, her brother, some friends from Boulder and a few people that I know originally from Radius. The food was amazing - a blend of traditional fare like turkey and mashed potatoes and green bean casserole and a little more gourmet like chipotle sweet potatoes and arugula salad and a chocolate cake that was to die for. My pie from my grandmother's recipe turned out wonderfully!

After dinner we played trivia. At the end it was ALMOST like being at the Gorts - instead of playing trivial pursuit with the board we were just answering questions and the first one to three right got a prize. We played a number of times, I usually had two points when someone else won and I was having a good time. A neighbor really really wanted to win so we were playing one last round - I was killing in this round. Getting two answers up front that were actually quite surprising even to me and then got a third answer right to tie with said neighbor. Now - I like this guy, and in the moment he was getting on my nerves. We had a tie-breaker question of which he was VERY certain of his answer. I had a different guess, and even though I was not as certain as he I went with it. And I was right! I think I may have gotten a bit too much joy out of the win - and I won a very nice candle.

Also - I learned that another of my friends was at the first Thanksgiving! Shows that it's good to keep talking with your friends - they may be holding something back :) (Turns out he was at a dinner before ours and meant that as his first thanksgiving of the day. But we never stopped giving him a hard time.)

In any case - this was a Thanksgiving for the record books :)

Yay Thanksgiving!

I just got home from shopping for Thanksgiving. Sheralee's hosting this year and I for one am looking forward to it. I think there are going to be about 10 people there and we're going to put a couple tables in her apartment and sit down and everything. So exciting. This year I'm cooking green bean casserole, pumpkin bread, and my Grandma's Cherry Pie. I've rocked the green beans many times, I'm not to worried about the pumpkin bread - but I am really nervous and excited about trying a pie. Grandma's pie! I'll let you know how it works out.

PS - Beyonce is accepting a big award on the AMA's right now. I HEART her!

Cabbage Soup - Done

Well the week of cabbage soup is over! It went well and while I'm not 100% sure how much I've lost, I do know that all my clothes are fitting better and I'm using one smaller notch on my belt. The soup itself wasn't bad until day 5 and then eating the soup for those last few days was almost torture! Last night was a friend's birthday dinner and all week I was so looking forward to ordering off the menu but when we got there I really wasn't even hungry and ate about half of my meal. It was great!

I felt a lot better during the diet than I had felt before so now I'm even more motivated to eat fresh fruits and vegetables and less in general! Don't know if that will last through Thanksgiving - but we'll see :)

Cabbage Soup

Yesterday I started the week-long Cabbage Soup diet with Sheralee. If you're not familiar with this specific diet it goes basically like this - every day you eat as much cabbage soup as you'd like and each day has other assigned foods. For instance today I can eat as many vegetables and
cabbage soup as I want. Yesterday it was fruit. So far I feel okay - although I'm not feeling the pounds roll off...maybe I should wait more than one day to feel that though. However - it was not pleasant to eat cauliflower for breakfast today.

I'm curious though if a side effect of the diet is strange dreams. I've had some weird ones the past couple of nights and I'm hoping to blame it on the diet. Yesterdays made a bit of sense but I can't quite remember the ones from last night - I just know they were strange and long and drawn out.

Disoriented

This week I've felt extremely disoriented. I have a great new job which I'm 100% thankful for. At the same time I went from unemployment to vacation to working full time and at the moment I have no idea which way is up. On top of this the Rob Bell show was in Denver last night - I miss being under his teaching on a weekly basis - perhaps it's time to start listening to the podcasts. But that's not exactly the point - it was also absolutely strange to see him here instead of at Mars Hill. Hopefully I'll find myself back soon.

Day One Down

Day one of the new job went well. Yay. I'm gonna go back for day two, how cool is that?

Heeeeere's Autumn

Fall came to Denver while I was in Puerto Rico. The leaves are absolutely gold (not really any other colors here like in Michigan) and there's a chill in the air even though the temperatures during the day have been pleasant. I'm not usually a fan of fall - mostly because it means that dreaded winter is on the way. Today however, a sunny day with highs around 70, feels like the perfect fall day and I really hope to enjoy it. Not exactly sure of how because I'm headed to Boulder for a jewelry party featuring jewels designed by a friend of a friend and then back to Denver for Faure's Requiem at St. John's. I'm afraid that I'll have to enjoy the weather on the drives because now that daylight savings time has hit (or has it left - so confusing) the sunset is before 5! This I do not like.

I'm also sitting today in anxious and excited anticipation of starting my new job tomorrow. The position has responsibilities I know I can do from the start and others that I am going to have to learn. I so, so want to do a wonderful job, find pleasure in what I'm doing, and most of all, last at a job longer than 10 months. That's my record since leaving Grand Rapids, where I held a job for 4 years. I know I can do it! (At least I keep telling myself that.) I accepted this position because I believe it holds the possibility of these things I long for, and so now it's up to me to wow my new employer and kick ass. Starting with going through my closet and continuing through performing above and beyond their wildest imagination.

Grass Is Greener?

My high school class celebrated it's 10th Anniversary with a dinner in October. I didn't go to Michigan for the occasion, and honestly I probably wouldn't have gone even if I did live in Michigan. Unlike most people, I have almost no good memories of high school and the only reason I would be tempted to go is to see who got fat. Harsh yes, and it's the truth nonetheless.

I did however order the commemorative book to see what was going on with people. Seems I'm in the 5% of people who aren't married with at least one kid living in the suburbs of Grand Rapids. It was interesting to me that my reaction was almost one of relief. If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I would be in 10 years I would have said by 28 I would absolutely be married and have kids - although I would have been living in the city, probably in Chicago. I've always loved the city. In any case, I can't remember a time where I've been so thankful not to have what I thought I wanted. Do I still want a family - yes - however I don't want to have a typical suburban family. I'm sure that my classmates find some joy in being a family - most of them listed having kids or getting married as their greatest accomplishment. Thing is, I want a family and so much more out of life and I think that the bumpy road I'm on is the right one for me.

Moral of the story - this is the first time in a while I truly feel like the grass is greener on my side of the fence.

And We're Back...

The past week and a half has been overly eventful - here's a quick update.

I had the luxury of taking a week long trip to Puerto Rico. I was good to get out of Denver for a bit and see another island and culture. I had hoped to spend tons of time one the beach but alas Tropical Storm Noel, or more specifically his predecessor Tropical Depression 16, dumped inches and inches of rain on the island and sent a thick layer of clouds for the entire time that we were there. I was able to see much of the island - if in the grey - and I'm glad to be home now.

I'm also newly employed! This morning I accepted a great position and I'm excited to start on Monday. The job is in downtown Denver and is a great opportunity for me. I'm pumped, and ready to use these last couple days of unemployment to their fullest. Here's to the next chapter.

Waiting - Yet Again

If you haven't caught this from reading the blog, I'll let you in on a little secret that's not actually a secret. Patience is something I have yet to learn. Today was a lesson in distraction as a method of avoidance. I'm waiting to hear on a job that I interviewed for three different times last week. When I spoke with my contact on the placement agency on Friday she told me she wouldn't be surprised if I heard something on Monday. I was of course watching the phone for most of the morning, and then I spent most of the afternoon with Sheralee running some errands. Thankfully the errands got my mind off of the phone call for a few minutes - thus a lesson in distraction. I'm starting to wonder if life is just a series of moments in wait. Waiting to hear about a job. Waiting to hear back from a friend. Waiting to go on vacation. Waiting for life to be what you want it to be. I hope that this isn't what life is. I'm going continue to do what I can to capture this and every moment and take it for what it is instead of waiting for what comes next. Yup - idealist in the room!

I also tried to help a friend get tickets for the World Series this morning. I'm sure it's not being reported around the country, so I'll tell you, it was a MESS. After the Rockies won the NLCS they announced that they would be conducting a lottery where you would have to wait in line and then maybe the line that you're in would be chosen to actually purchase tickets. Then they scrapped that idea and decided to sell all the tickets online. So this morning I along with about a billion other people logged onto the internet to try and get some tickets. No one could get through - and at about noon they suspended ticket sales entirely. It's being reported that they've sold 500 tickets of the 18,000 per game that remain after pre-sales to season ticket holders. Tonight I read that the Rockies are claiming that they (and we) are the victims of a malicious hacker. I don't think they're telling the entire story. Apparently they're trying it all again beginning at noon tomorrow. Go Rockies?

Um, It's Snowing!

It really honestly is and I promise that I was not the one who ordered it. The internet tells me that it's 33 degrees outside and my idea of "I think it's going to maybe snow a little bit" has been shot. At 9:45 there's already at least an inch of snow on the ground! I hope it doesn't go on like this all day, but if you want to you can watch the Bronco's game tonight on television and see what I'm talking about.

Kenneth the Page

I heart Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock and discovered this gem of a video today. Enjoy!

Busy Busy Busy

Sorry for the week of blog absence. The internet at my apartment building has been on the fritz and I've also been very busy. Doing what you ask? While aside from celebrating the Rockies win I've been busy applying for jobs and actually interviewing. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch - and - I've had three interviews for one job this week and I'm crossing my fingers, toes, legs, and arms as hard as I can hoping that perhaps this job search is over. As much as I have enjoyed having some spare time I'm ready to get back to work. What seems a bit backward is that I'm also getting ready to go on vacation! I'm heading to Puerto Rico next week with Vivian and Tony for a week. I'm so excited to be in summer weather again - especially since there's a possibility of snow here on Sunday - and to explore a place I've never been.

When I Say Rockies You Say Go

The Rockies won the NLCS. Wait - they swept the NCLS! In honor of such a great occasion I watched the entire game - my first full Rockies game ever. I'm proud to break my streak for such a momentous occasion. Thanks to Vivian and Tony for hosting me for the game and for putting up with me cringing every time they showed the coach and his crazy chewing, for singing "Holiday" every time Matt Holliday was up to bat, and for singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in it's entirety. I'm also glad that I live in Capitol Hill and not Lodo - I'm sure it was crazy down there last night. When I left their place for mine last night someone was whistling "Let's Go Rockies" so I did the little clap - from their place about half the way to my place. There were spotlights in the sky and enough beeping cars in Capitol Hill that I almost walked to Lodo just to see what it was like. I didn't have enough energy for that though - such a lazy butt.

Next comes the World Series! While I think the possibility for me of getting tickets to the game is something like one in a gagillion I was excited to go to Lodo and sit in a sports bar for at least one of the games. However this may not be possible - how sad! Okay - I'm not really allowed to complain since I'll be in Puerto Rico for most of the games, but while I would LOVE to see the Rockies sweep once again, I'd selfishly like for them to win the series in Game 6 so I can watch it in Denver. Is that really too much to ask? I'd like to think not.

Go Rockies!

For Friday: Funny Old and Funny New

Funny Old:

Funny New:

Go Rockies!

Devoured

I have absolutely devoured this book. Sheralee read it earlier this summer and recommended it. Then last week I saw the author on Oprah and I wept. I could not tell you why - something deep within me identified with the author of this book and I knew I had to read it.

I would love to be able to go on the journey this woman took - and that's not really an option for me. That said I would like to find my own journey to peaceful existence with God. To a place of rest - even within this crazy world.

There were so many places where I identified with the story in this book. I laughed, I cried, and I was awed. There is one quote I would like to share with you however - it's a story that puts into a metaphor the reason I believe that I'm on the spiritual journey that I am.

This story is told at the end of the authors time spent meditating in India. She tells it for a slightly different reason than I do, and I think it applies nonetheless.

"The Indians around here tell a cautionary fable about a great saint who was always surrounded in his Ashram by loyal devotees. For hours a day the saint and his followers would meditate on God. The only problem was that the saint had a young cat, an annoying creature, who used to walk through the temple meowing and purring and bothering everyone during meditation. So the saint, in all his practical wisdom, commanded that the cat be tied to a pole outside for a few hours a day, only during meditation, so as to not disturb anyone. This became a habit - tying the cat to the pole and then meditating on God - but as years passed, the habit hardened into religious ritual. Nobody could meditate unless the cat was tied to the pole first. Then one day the cat died. The saint's followers were panic-stricken. It was a major religious crisis - how could they meditate now, without a cat to tie to a pole? How would they reach God? In their minds, the cat had become the means. Be very careful, warns this tale, not to get too obsessed with the repetition of religious ritual just for its own sake. ...it may be useful to remember that it is not the tying of the cat to the pole that has ever brought anyone transcendence, but only the constant desire of an individual seeker to experience the eternal compassion of the divine. Flexibility is just as essential for divinity as is discipline." (Eat Pray Love, Penguin Books, 2006, p. 205-206)

Though I realize I run the risk of offending, that is not my intent. The rituals I know aren't the only ones, and the point isn't the rituals. The point is getting a little closer to the divine. I think I'm on a journey to find the practices that work for me.

Along With Every Other Woman and Gay Man in America

My heart sank a teensy bit while watching America's Next Top Model tonight. Nigel Barker is MARRIED! Sad. Guess I'll switch back to Pushing Daisies. It's a fun little fantasy :)

Irritated with Hiring Directors

If you've been reading this blog for the past two months you know that I'm on the hunt for a new job. To this point it's consisted of emailing my resume out to new jobs posted almost daily and following up by phone with the postings that don't say "No Phone Inquiries." However - those are few and far between. I'm just so irritated that actually speaking with someone in HR is nearly impossible. I got this email from a prospective employer this morning:

Thank you for your interest in working with [prospective employer]. We are dedicated to continuing our growth by attracting highly talented people.
Your qualifications are carefully being reviewed for a possible match with our current career opportunities. If we identify a match, we will contact you within the week.
If you do not hear from us, please assume that we do not have a suitable position available for you at this time, but we will keep your resume on file for further review.
Thank you again, and we wish you the best of luck in your professional endeavors.

I am so sick and tired of hearing "don't call us, we'll call you". I almost always means they're not going to call. I'm not typically a glass half empty kind of a girl, and these automated email responses make me so irritated.

Real Age: 28 Body Age: 82

Today I feel like an old woman. I woke up yesterday with a knot the size of Texas in my shoulder - I sat on the heating pad for much of the day and remembered when I was getting ready for bed last night that I had one of those ThermaCares that you can leave on all night. When I woke up this morning it felt much better, until I took the heat off. So apparently I'm tied to the heating pad. Plus my eye will not stop twitching and there are some workers in my building crashing and hammering and making other loud construction noises. It looks like they're doing some work on a wood floor in one of the units. However, seeing as I'm feeling like a nap, I wish they were almost done! Nothing serious, just feeling whiny today!

So Exciting!

I'm 100% honest when I say that I've been terribly excited about the Rockies lately. This however, sadly, does not mean that I really know what's going on. For instance, I was trying to find a score for yesterday's game loooong before the first pitch was even thrown. This morning I was asking Sheralee if they win the games against the Diamondbacks does that mean that they're in the World Series? I don't think so, and I honestly still don't know the answer to that question, I've got to find myself a set of brackets :)

I also would love to go to a game, but can't justify $30 to sit in the Rockpile or $60 to sit in the upper deck - if I wasn't getting by on unemployment I totally would, and I'm just not there at the moment. Last night however - I realized that it just might be worth it. I was in Boulder for dinner and some beautiful hot tub time for most of the evening. We were driving back into Denver and drove by Coors Field just as the second run was scored in the 8th inning. The roar of the crowd that we could hear with the windows down in the car was so exciting I could barely stand it. And we were outside the stadium! Even listening to the end of the game on the radio on the ride back I could feel my pulse getting faster with each pitch. GO ROCKIES!

Overheard on Jeopardy

Since I no longer have cable I sometimes watch exciting things like Jeopardy. Funny thing is that I do enjoy Jeopardy - I like to see how many questions I can answer. Today however I thought I might be watching Will Ferrell playing Alex Trebec when he opened the show by saying "Three young people ready to do it on Jeopardy." Really? That's not what I thought this show was about.

Gah - I am a 12 year old boy on the inside :)

Two and 0 Baby!

I have officially caught Rockies fever. It's terribly strange - I've been to four or five games this season and while I always have a good time at the park for me it's usually about having a beer and a hot dog in the sun, watching the crowd, talking to whomever I'm there with and watching the game. In that order. Or at least with the game being the lowest priority. Yet, somehow I'm absolutely excited about the Rockies being two games up on the Phillies in the playoffs. I even listened to part of the game on the radio today. Who am I? Go Rockies!

I'm Back :)

Sorry for the short blog haitus. I had the luxury of being able to take a short last-minute trip to Michigan. My sister and brother-in-law were visiting for the weekend and I was able to come in to see them originally, and it turned into a very life-giving weekend for me. Before I left the job search was getting overwhelming - I was so exhausted from sending out resume after resume after resume and getting few responses - none of which seem to be turning into anything. The weekend turned out to be good medicine, and I'm now feeling much more relaxed and healthy and ready to start the job search back up.

Coffee - Get Me Coffee

I think I slept for about an hour last night. Gah! I'm excited about the weekend and thinking about bunches of other stuff too. I haven't had a night like that in a long time and for that I'm certainly thankful. I can remember when it was weeks of sleepless nights saved only by the Tylenol PM and in the last few months I haven't had nights like this. Doesn't make this morning any easier though - time to start the coffee :)

New Title for this Blog

I've been toying with the idea of renaming my blog. My name is Maria and I do live in Denver. However - when I started this blog I was overwhelmed with the fact that I lived in Denver, it was all that I thought about. Now I've been here for two years and Denver is my home. I love it here and while I am still struck with the differences between living in Michigan and living here, it's no longer overwhelming. My thoughts now are more about life and what living looks like. I have no good name ideas - a good argument for keeping the name if you ask me. However, my thoughts are consistently coming back to changing the name. Huh. What do you think?

Hot in the City

I think it's going to be hot in my apartment this winter. My landlord turned the heat on yesterday and it honestly has not yet gotten below 69 degrees in my apartment. Plus it's NOISY and I really was hoping that maybe this building would be quieter than the last one. Oh well - nothing I can do about it.

(Not So) Random Fall Reflection

I think I might be the only person who ends up reflecting on the past year in the Fall. It feels absolutely random to be thinking about the past year as everyone else is gearing up to start new for fall by starting school, and watching all the new television and buying sweaters. I'd like to be starting a new job soon to celebrate fall and I'm working hard to do what I can to make sure that happens. Today marks my birthday and September also marks the move to Denver which sometimes feels like yesterday and other times feels much much longer than just two years ago.

But back to the reflecting, because I've been absolutely thinking about the past year for the past few days. It's been another year of intense change that didn't come without pain, as I'm slowly learning is the way of life. As I sit here reflecting I'm realizing that for the first time in a long time I'm feeling some sort of peace and contentment. I've been afraid of contentment, believing it to be synonymous with complacency. Thinking that the moment I'm content is the moment I'm missing something. However, in the last year I've settled into this feeling of being at home in the questions and uncomfortable in absolutes and I think I'm feeling the same way about contentment. Perhaps this means I'm learning that change is the way of life. And not in that cliche way that people are always talking about. In a way that's real to me.

Here's to the changes of the next year. May they be a little easier to experience the next time around and may they bring goodness, truth and beauty.

Oh the Luxury!

I took a two hour nap this afternoon and it was awesome! Feels like huge and yet easy luxury - I might need to do this more often :)

When I'm 64

Yesterday I spent some gorgeous time at the Strawberry Park Hot Springs in Steamboat. The springs were beautiful and sitting in the warm water in the natural setting was so relaxing!

At the end of the day however, I was left wondering - When I'm 80 what am I going to believe that my kids are going to question? What am I going to tell them that they are going to think is crazy or at the very least doubtful.

I can barely claim to be an adult, and most of the time I'd rather not. However - the more I live the more I'm convinced that nothing is certain. The more comfortable I am in the questions. The more uncomfortable I get when someone tells me that there's only one way to do something. Perhaps I'm in some sort of questioning phase and I'll at some point find the confidence that so many people seem to have in finding the right way, the right thing to think or believe. For right now I hope that isn't true - that instead I'll continue to ask questions, and pick things apart. It's the way I find that I grow and learn the best.

Feeling Good

I've had about three blog posts written in my head over the past couple of days and while in this moment I'm compelled to post, I don't remember a word of what's been running around in my head for the past few days.

I had a really good day yesterday. If you would have told me a month ago that even though unemployment was going to be taxing I would in the midst of it believe that it was a good thing for me I never would have believed you. I interviewed for a job yesterday morning that I think sounds terribly fun - yes I said fun. I think I nailed the interview and walked out feeling really good about it, and about myself. The rest of the day wasn't perfect - I tried to get my cat out from under the tub and that did not go so well (poor scared kitty) and I absolutely face planted when I was walking to have coffee with Wendy. I'm still however this morning feeling happy. Who knew?

I've been seeing a great guy - M - for a couple of weeks and I'm positive that's helping my mood as is having the opportunity to plan my days the way I'd like to plan them. I was thinking back through life and I don't ever remember having a time except for maybe some summer vacations, where I had this kind of freedom. It comes with it's own responsibilities of course, and, the freedom of it is fantastic.

It's Friday, I'm off for a day where I have no agenda or plan and it feels fantastic. I hope you can enjoy a day like this sometime soon.

Career Change?

I saw a job posting on craigslist yesterday that's making me consider a career change. What do you think?

Happy Anniversary?

Two years ago I arrived in Denver excited, scared and in tears. While my experience of the next two years would prove to be almost nothing like I thought it would be I don't know that I've ever lost that feeling of terror mixed with hope and held together with a bit of tears.

Sitting now in another world of change I find myself a much different girl. I like much of the person I am today and while I don't like to limit possibility I don't believe I'd have become me had I stayed where I was.

I thought perhaps I'd have more to say about the last two years of change, and yet in this moment I don't. Thanks for sticking with this blog for almost all of that two years.

The Silver Lining

I think all this free time I've been thrown into lately has actually been good for me in a backhanded sort of way. In an ideal world I would have a job that paid the bills and that I loved getting up for in the morning. I can't actually remember a time when all three of those were true for me at the same time. I've had jobs that I loved getting up for. I've had jobs that paid the bills. And right now I love getting up in the morning - mainly because I get to make choices that I want to make. I'm not tied to some sort of employer. Well technically I'm tied to the State of Colorado as an employer, and they're not asking too much from me at the moment.

I've been able to do some reading. I've been truly able to look forward to the small things - I recently told a friend I had never in my life been so excited about toilet paper and toothpaste. (As an aside - I learned the hard way that I can't handle cheap toilet paper. Had to get the soft stuff.) I've been able to spend time with people that I love and make new friends, and I truly believe that by taking care of myself well during this time of unemployment I'm setting myself up well to be healthy when I can finally get back into a job.

What's been on my mind lately is that for the last two years I've learned over and over again that life does not turn out how I think it's going to or how I'm planning on it to be. This time around I've been lucky enough to see that maybe life not going the way I've planned isn't necessarily a bad thing. Yes - I would have absolutely chosen to not be unemployed. Yes - I would absolutely prefer to be working right now. And - I do get to drink coffee in my bed every morning. And - I do get to spend the entire day with a friend casually going from one thing to the next. It's not all bad.

Almost Andrea

Thanks for your participation in the contest! Andrea's the closest - it's a Record Cutting Lathe. Sheralee, Richard and I went on Monday night to see a friend's work. A fun little field trip if you will. His company cuts masters for vinyl records and then sends them to a company that presses bunches of the records.

But do people even listen to vinyl any more? Good question - he told us that much of their business is from bands that don't want to be part of the digital establishment or really like the unique sound of vinyl and that there are only a few companies left that do what they do.

I'm going to be able to learn that machine eventually and help them out on a temporary, flexible basis when they get slammed. The process was fascinating to me and I'm looking forward to learning something new.

A Contest!

Last night a friend showed me how to use this machine, and it's highly probable that I'll learn how to use it myself and do some temporary work for his company when they're busy. Bonus points if you know what it is. And those of you know what I did last night please give at least a couple hours for people to guess :)

I'll tell you this:
1 - They're one of very few companies left that do this kind of work.
2 - Some of my training can come in handy
3 - It was terribly fascinating

Dreary

Fall has hit here in Denver. This morning it's drizzling and cold, but thankfully it's only supposed to last for today and part of tomorrow. This morning is one of those times where I think - hey, if I were working right now I would be whining about having to get up and going when it's so cold and wet when I really wanted to just curl up at home. Guess what - I can curl up at home today. How cool is that.

The interesting part, if you ask me, is that I'm feeling anything but dreary today. I had a fantastic weekend and the cool weather made for a great night sleep last night so I'm feeling ready to tackle today. There have been plenty of days where a dreary morning would have meant a dreary day for me emotionally and today is just not one of those days. I'm going to try and use that energy in ways that are productive and that creates more energy like this for the rest of the week.

In Other News

I think this is hysterical:

It's Friday - Really?

This has been a busy week - it was a short week, even for me because I was doing fun stuff on Monday. I've sent out bunches more resumes, been on two interviews, had to appear in court on a minor traffic thing, and I still don't know what the State of Colorado is thinking about my unemployment claim.

This was the week of interviews where I really don't have a good sense of how I did. I'm usually pretty good at reading people, however, I could not get a sense at all from any of the people I interviewed with this week of what they may be thinking. It's a bit aggravating because then I really don't have any idea what to expect when I hear from them next. Both of the positions are interesting, although at the moment I'm not over the top about either one. I know I could do a good job in each position there are just a couple of things about each that are giving me second thoughts. That said - I would accept another interview from either organization and would seriously consider an offer from either.

Emotionally I've felt much better this week and I think there are a lot of reasons for that, one of which is feeling slightly less stressed about paying for things and another of which is that I've been exercising more. There are a couple other things playing in as well - I just know that it has felt good to let go of a bit of the stress.

So - here's to another good weekend and another hopeful week. I take anything I can get at the moment.

Hopeful

I had a great weekend. I was able to spend some truly beautiful time with good friends and on my own and today I'm feeling so much better than I have been the last couple of weeks. It seems a bit strange to me to say that I had a great weekend, however, I've been doing what I can to take some days off of the job search each weekend. It's good for me, and there really isn't that much that's posted over the weekend. So I don't do it.

I was actually able to sleep in this morning and then ran a quick errand, exercised a bit, came home, and by the time I was out of the shower it was lunchtime. It was such a good thing - I felt like I had accomplished something and then moved on to the task at hand - finding a job.

I have two interviews yet this week - one that I'm going on because I'm curious and one that I really really want. Today I'm feeling hopeful about the future. It's not always going to be this way. I will find another job. Not having a job doesn't make me any less of a person. Here's to this line of thought and action continuing on.

I Heart Festivals

Luke and went to the Taste of Colorado yesterday. I heart festivals and I normally steer away from the carnival rides, so I'm absolutely not sure how long it's been since I've been on one. I think it may have been The Zipper at the Rockford Start of Summer Celebration a few years ago. I had so much fun - even though after the second ride, where Luke was in pain and laughing hysterically at the same time, I needed to sit down! It was a beautiful afternoon - thanks Luke!

The Flood

Yesterday was a hard day - I have good ones and hard ones lately. However - I'm hopeful that I hit a turning point yesterday when the flood hit. I hadn't cried over this last month of loss and stress until yesterday afternoon. Although I was tempted to believe it was because I was growing and getting better at dealing with stress and the punches - but I knew better than that.

I cried, I screamed, I yelled, I pity partied, I wondered what my neighbors were thinking, and after an hour and a half of letting it out I was exhausted. I believe that it was an important part of the healing process - I felt much better this morning, and I have more energy to move forward and make things work without feeling trapped.

The screaming and yelling was something I don't typically do - I normally just cry. It's been suggested to me that yelling and screaming, in essence speaking what I'm really angry about, who I'm really angry at, is healthy practice. I was a bit skeptical, and, it worked. Then this morning I had a dream about the very person who suggested it to me. Coincidence - i think not.

Good Lord I Am a Crazy Person

I had an interview this afternoon for a job that I'm actually really interested in. I am happy with all the answers I gave, I think I made a good impression, and at the end of the interview I'm still interested in the position. Not like the last interview I went on. In that one I was happy with the answers I gave, not so sure about the impression I made and at the end of the interview I was no longer interested in the position.

At the end of this interview I asked what the next steps were. I was given a terribly vague answer, which I believe to be the truth as it stands, not a vague answer to avoid commitment or something. That said, the least vague answer was that they want to fill the position by the end of September. I personally would like to be employed before the end of September and in that moment expressed that I could be available at any time and was "to play all my cards" quite interested in the position. I hope that I didn't come off too needy, and rather came off polished and interesting.

When I got home I got a regret letter from that first company. It's alright - I was planning on turning down a second interview if it was offered to me, and yet something stung about the rejection. So I had a good interview and then two little things aren't exactly the way I want them to be and I can't handle it. I feel completely crazy and out of control. I mean the interview did go well and then because of two minor things I'm completely off, I'm quiet and surly with friends and I start giving into the voices that tell me I'll never get hired again and that I won't find another job I can stick at for more than 10 months and that I'm doomed to be a drifter.

After a normal feeling night with people who didn't know that I've been laid off I feel a little better. I'm sure this is a sign I'm taking a bit too much of my identity from being employable. And still it felt good to hang out with people and not be "the unemployed one." Stupid thing is that no one has treated me like "the unemployed one" it's something I totally put on myself.

See - these are the ramblings that go on inside this head. It's exhausting!

Another Good Use of Time

I have no idea why this is so freaking hilarious - and - these things make me laugh out loud!

So It's Week 3

Welcome to week three of unemployment! Can I get an amen? Or a woo woo? I would like to say that I've been using my responsibility-less time to it's full potential with plenty of reading, exercising and catching up with friends rolled in there with the job searching. Hmm - I've read 1 chapter in a book, taken a few walks, and caught up with no one. I have however played plenty of online games, watched a lot of television and woken up without an alarm.

After a few hard days I'm not as upset as I first was. I'm very thankful not to be working at my old job. For certain I would have liked to leave on my own terms, and, still can't think of any better reason than a paycheck to continue working there. I'm still trying to figure out what direction to move next - and if there's a way I can find a job to stay content at for more than 6 months.

I've also been wondering a lot about stress and my ways of approaching and dealing. It seems as though denial is perhaps my strategy. I say this because I think I'm doing well and then one little tiny thing hits and I'm off. Off to scary crazy extremes. I'd like to dig into that a bit more too. For now I think I'll play more games...

Can Eating Trail Mix Make You Smell Like Peanuts?

I know eating too much garlic can make you smell like garlic because it starts coming out your pores. Is the same true for nuts? I smell like peanuts - it's coming out of my pores and it's GROSS. This is one (of very few) nights I'm thankful I'm the only person sleeping in my bed.

One Thing

I had my cable turned off to save some money. Except I thought that perhaps the cable company would forget to turn off the signal - I know enough people who magically have cable in their apartments to believe it to be true. I was wrong. Yesterday I was just settling down to take a quick cat nap - taking advantage of having the opportunity - when it went out.

In and of itself this is not a big deal. I have some bunny ears, I can get some basic channels, and quite frankly I hope I'll stop being such a lazy butt with my time. However - when it actually went out I was terribly upset. Over cable! In that moment I realized how paper thin I am at the moment. I was actually having a good day - applied for a number of jobs, accepted an interview for a job that I could actually get into, and spent some time helping out a friend. One little thing like the cable going out and I could have cried. No joke.

It took pretty much the rest of the day to recover and this morning, after a good night's sleep I'm feeling better again. May try and take a hike, or a walk or something. In any case, what I'm trying to say, is that I'm frustrated with the fact that I'm so emotionally thin. It seems appropriate, and that doesn't mean I like it. I hope that I can continue to adjust to these changes without causing too much damage to my relationships. I think I tend to take my frustration out on my friends and I sort of realize it while it's happening, but I realize the extent when I'm out of the dark place. Here's to calmly approaching what's next.

Still Bitter

I had a dream last night that leads me to believe I'm still quite bitter with a girl I used to work with. She and Sheralee and I were shopping for black shoes at a mall. We went to Tiffany's only it was more like Nordstrom. Sheralee found some shoes and went somewhere else to look at something else. I found a pair and waited for this former coworker as she tried on every pair in the store. Then she started trying on dress after dress and it was taking FOREVER. I asked her to hurry up and she blew me off. I went to look for Sheralee who was at the basketball store (?) watching a game. When this girl came back she started screaming about how I didn't wait for her. We compared receipts and it turns out she took 3 1/2 hours longer than I did and I said something that I can't remember to her and walked off. Then I woke up in a state of complete rage and couldn't get back to sleep. It was 6:30 or thereabouts so it wasn't so bad. The rage though felt terribly real which is completely disconcerting because if you asked me I would have sworn that I had left her in the past and hoped I never saw her again.

In other news I had an interview this morning with a national car rental agency that I think went fairly well. I'm not overly excited about the job, but it's a decent enough opportunity to continue in the interview process.

Fantasy

I'm exhausted. Today was a beautiful day - I went up into the mountains with some good friends. We ate, browsed in some shops, hiked a bit and came back into Denver. In and of itself this is an exhausting day, and, I have so much on my mind at the moment that staying engaged in the moment and enjoying the day took so much work in and of itself. I hope that this doesn't continue. I hope that I can find a job soon - or at the very least settle into what unemployment payments will be like.

In a beautiful moment this weekend I was sitting in a friend's front yard talking about the past, present, and future using cards with words picked anonymously from a stack. The word I pulled for my present was fantasy. At first it seemed incredibly ludicrous - but when I sat with the word I realized that I would love to view life for now as fantasy. As in - I currently don't have to work, but should, barring something with the unemployment, have my bills paid for. This is a fantasy of mine. And - I have the opportunity to look at my future through fantasy eyes to perhaps find a job that I can love. One where I can wake up in the morning and not dread going into work.

That fantasy is so hard to find. I get totally bogged down in worrying about money, and searching for currently open jobs to get back to work as soon as possible. I'd like to slow down.

Is This What My Life Has Come To?

I'm watching the Super Sweet Sixteen movie on MTV while job searching. Like OMG I am not ROTFL.

Not as Bad as Originally Thought

So while getting let go, fired, the boot or whatever has not been easy, I'm beginning to see that perhaps in the short run it's not as bad as I originally thought. I took a generous offer from Sheralee and accompanied her on a work trip to northwest Colorado. I can search for jobs and field phone calls from here, so I'm basically getting a change of scenery while doing the work that I'm responsible for now - namely finding a new job.

While I've been here and perhaps just while I've been unemployed - it's mostly the same - I've realized that while I'm certainly stressed and worried about where the next rent check is coming from it's a totally different stress than working for a company that could care less about me. It's a different stress than dreading going into work in the morning. I don't stress looking for jobs, or answering phone screens in and of themselves. I stress about finding a job and about finding a good job but somehow it's different. Partially I suppose because I was already stressing about finding a new and good job while going through the motions at a really horrible one.

Don't get me wrong - it's not all sunshine and lollipops - and somehow while I wish that I didn't get fired some sort of huge weight has been lifted. I say this today. I say this right now. Tomorrow may be different - yesterday surely was. But I'm slowly learning that all I have is right now and I'd like to learn how to live with that in mind.

Job Hunting is Hard

Do you ever wonder if maybe you just don't know how to be content? I do. I really didn't like my last job. Almost every night I would think, or say to the person I was with "I wish we didn't have to go to work tomorrow. Then we could just stay up and watch movies and sleep in." The thing about working though is that you end up getting a paycheck for the time that you spend working. Turns out now that I don't have a job I like the idea of a paycheck much better than the idea of staying up late and sleeping in.

There's certainly a silver lining. I'm heading on a work trip with Sheralee this afternoon and I can get up whenever I feel like it in the morning. I can lounge around in my underwear until I feel like hopping in the shower and I can do laundry during the day when there's not as much demand for the machines. I've had a chance to read blogs that are of interest to me and I have all day and night to look for and apply for a job that I have a chance of liking.

Still - If I'm honest I'd really like a flexible schedule AND a large paycheck. Hmm - don't think that's possible though. If anyone has any leads on a job in Denver please pass them my way!

Holy Hell This is Funny

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

Update

I have been posting very vaguely about phone calls and things that I want for the past at least two weeks if not more. And the time has come, dear readers, to tell you the story. It is NOT the story I wanted to tell you, and still it's the one I have. So sit right back and I'll tell a tale...

Around July 4th I began looking for a new job. I haven't come right out and said it on this blog, but I do not like the company I've been working for, and finally got to a point where I was motivated to do something about it. I applied for a select number of positions that looked really interesting, and got called back for two of them right away. I'm sorry to say that a large chain store that sells organization products exclusively did not pursue me past the first interview. But that's probably for the best - I'm an organizational wreck, and probably wouldn't have fit in real well there.

The second job was more promising. I was extremely excited about it and made it through 5 rounds of interview. Yes, you read that right - FIVE interviews. The third of which had me spending 3.5 hours meeting with seven different people in groups and some one-on-one, and the fifth of which had me presenting to a group of people about the trip I took to Carnegie Hall when I was working in Grand Rapids. This was no ordinary interview process. The five interviews took place in the span of a little more than two weeks and then I started the waiting game. I waited, one deadline passed, two deadlines passed and before I knew it more than two weeks had passed. Each time I had contact with the company I was told that the team was meeting or that the contact person was on vacation - it seemed incessantly long to me, and yet, I understood a bit of what was taking so long. In the end I did not get that position. I was extremely disappointed and still don't quite understand why it took more than two weeks to tell me I didn't get the job. That was Friday.

So I resolved to find something else, borrowed a friend's computer over the weekend and began the search yet again. Or continued it depending on how you want to look at it. Friday was also a hellish day at my current job, but that's a story I'd like to forget and for that reason will not be posting about it here on the blog. Yesterday was a hard day. I woke up in the morning after having a terrible nightmare, and went into work resolved to be productive even though it was the last place on earth I wanted to be. Turns out my unspoken wish came true. My boss (of about a month and a half) pulled me into his office one hour before quitting time to tell me that I'd been fired. He gave me some bullshit about low productivity and evaluating the department to see if anything could be scaled back. I had never in the time I've been talking with him and meeting with him gotten one ounce of negative feedback, I've been hitting my performance goals, and this was certainly a shock. I (halfheartedly) tried to convince him that he was being unreasonable and that I should be able to keep my job, but to no avail. So - it's off to the unemployment office for me. All this on a day that I should have been celebrating my southpaw-ness: http://www.lefthandersday.com/.

The time since then has been a roller coaster of three basic emotions (with a couple variations, which I won't go into). 1 - The pain of being fired, or at it's core, the pain of rejection so obvious and forceful within the span of four days. 2 - Anger at the messed up people I was working for. 3 - Relief that I never have to work another minute for the little shits. I hope that the roller coaster reaches it's end in the not to distant future, and, I hope I can use some of this anger and relief energy to find an amazing job that I can love, be productive at, and last at for more than 10 months.

Here's to another round of dying, and the feeling of loss. I really hope that I get to the bottom of this pit soon - this falling, falling and oh yeah, some more falling is absolutely excrutiating and exhausting.

Nightmare!

Last night I had a really disturbing nightmare. I'm still surprised I got back to sleep after I woke up and I'm a bit disappointed that I can still remember it - I would like to forget.

I've always been curious about my dreams. I think that they tell me things, sometimes things that happen in my dreams happen in real life. I feel a bit crazy even admitting this, and, it's my reality. Now I'm wondering what this terrifying, and yet plausible dream means.

I didn't have time to research in my dream books this morning - maybe I'll be able to find something online.

Not the News I Wanted

Well the phone call is over - and it was NOT what I wanted to hear. Damn. It's amazing how much hope of the possibility of change affects me. Now I feel stuck again - awesome.

Remember That Phone Call?

It's going to happen tomorrow (Friday) morning! I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I promise sometime I'll be less vague about this and at that point you'll probably wish you never asked! Until then feel free to make your own guesses about what may be happening.

A Book Non-Review

I'm in the middle of reading this book - The Question of God - and so far I am loving it. I haven't loved a book in quite a while, so it feels pretty good.

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people answer my questions by saying "that's the way we've always done it" or "that's the way it's always been done." There's got to be a reason that the first person who did it that way chose. A good example is Sheralee's story of the woman who cut of both ends of a roast before she put it in the pan to cook it. When asked why she answered that it was the way her mother did it. Someone asked the woman's mother why she did it that way and she said that was the way her mother did it. Someone asked the woman's grandmother why she did it that way and she said that the pan she had was too small to fit a full roast and she couldn't afford a new pan so she cut off the ends. The woman had a large pan, but still cut of the ends of the roast without thinking about it.

I haven't posted much about my inner journey lately - it's been busy and intense and I've been questioning most everything I've believed to this day in my life. I am loving this book because it attempts to lay out why two revered historical figures believed the things they did. Both men seem to have chosen paths that were understandable and thoughtful. It's like reading a discussion that had it really happened would have been monumental. Truly interesting if you ask me.

Bewildered

I don't fit in at the company I work for. Most of the time I think it's okay - it makes sense to me that I don't have a lot in common with the people I work for/with, and I'm more than fine keeping things on a professional and not a personal level. However the other two women on the team I work with are best buddies - they are always going out together, talk about personal stuff over the cubicle wall, and in turn end up working on a lot of projects together. Today (and a lot of days quite honestly) this is putting me into a crazy anger. It's not that I want to be buddies with them, I don't. Rather, it's that I'm tired of being the outsider. Every time they whisper, or walk outside to have a chat, or start talking about something personal I want to scream.

It's weird - I don't want to be friends with them. And yet, when they act like friends act I get so angry. Part of what I don't like is this unspoken idea that to work well as a team we have to be friends outside of work. I don't think that's true - and so I don't understand why I have to be friends to be included in the work team. And of course I don't like being disliked. Yes - I'm probably thinking about this too much, and at the same time it's being thrust in my face just by being at my computer working. Gah!

Say Hello to What's His Name

I have a new roommate - a sweet cat with no name as of yet. I don't like the name he had at the Dumb Friends League (Chico) and right now I have narrowed the name choices down to Stanley Stucco and Calvin Cab. Harvey was in the running, but I just don't think he's a Harvey. The middle names have significance because of the traumatic afternoon Sheralee, the cat and I shared yesterday.

We brought him home yesterday afternoon (this one and only picture I have is from in the car) and he of course ran into hiding right away because he's scared. The spot he chose was in my cabinets and I really didn't want him in there. In trying to coax him out I scared him deeper into the cabinet - except that the only place to go was into this tiny 4" space between the back of the cabinet and the wall. And he got stuck. I was freaking out, Sheralee was freaking out, the cat was freaking out. We called everyone we knew in Denver between the two of us, thinking we might have to cut out the back of the cabinet. We even called 911 and they told us to call 311 for animal control. Animal control couldn't come out, for some understandable reasons, so we ended up leaving him alone for a bit to see if he might find his own way out. And he did - what a smart cat. So Stucco for getting stuck and Cab for cabinet.

He did explore the apartment some during the night and even ate some food - so I think he's going to be just fine, it will take a little while though! It took me most of the rest of the afternoon to calm down!

In other news - I have not yet gotten this phone call or email I am so desperately waiting for. I promise when the time is right I'll post everything!

This One's For my Denver Friends

I have blatantly stolen this post from TFG. It describes the way I was raised to a 't' and in my world is hysterically funny. For those of you who don't know me personally or who I've only known after moving out of Michigan - this is a look at the way I grew up. For the rest of you, please laugh a little at your own expense - it's worth it, I promise. (And I can say that because I'm laughing at my own expense.)

You might be a Dutch Calvinist if...
- You finish the food on your plate in a restaurant even though it is burnt or otherwise unsuitable for human consumption.
- You reused plastic margarine containers long before anyone heard of the environmental movement.
- You have a two-volume address book. Volume I: A-U Volume II: V-Z.
- You have never skipped church to watch the Superbowl.
- Your main contribution in increased gender equality was to switch from KING to Wilhelmina brand peppermints.
- Your range of restaurant choice is restricted to the contents of a "Buy One Meal, Get One Free" coupon book that you bought to support missionaries in Sierra Leone.
- You wipe the last of the butter out of the container with your roll.
- Your mother's hairdo is the same at your wedding as it was at hers.
- Your closet is divided into work clothes and Sunday clothes.
- If you have several coupons that are good for "one customer only", you will send all 10 members of your family through different aisles at the grocery store so you can get 10X the bargains.
- Your church attendance record is not interrupted by childbirth.
- Your Sunday routine resembles this: Church, coffee, roast beef, green beans, a nap, and Church.
- You have a front room but never sit in it.
- You make the bed in a hotel room.
- The last tip you left in a restaurant was "Don't wear so much makeup" and "A little quicker with the coffee."
- You have always been to church on New Years Eve.
- You can sing "eere zij God" even though you can't speak Dutch.
- You think that being progressive means discarding the Psalter Hymnal in favor of the Steve Green songs on the overhead.
- Seeing hands in the air during worship causes you to look around for a stickup man.
- You are still trying to justify owning a dishwasher.
- On summer vacation you couldn't swim, only wading up to your knees was allowed.
- At your wedding, everyone was swaying, but no one was dancing.
- You have attended worship services at a campground amphitheater.
- You know what an afghan is.
- You have lace on your windows, but not on your underwear.
- Your two permanent Saturday jobs are to wash the car and make sure you have enough single bills for the offering plate.
- All of your recipes are adapted to fit into a 9X13 pan.
- You can't imagine a funeral reception without ham on buns.
- The Usher never has to ask you where you want to sit.

Nothing Yet

Not a damn thing! And I am running out of patience, hope, and sanity.

Waiting.

I'm waiting for a very important phone call. I jump and my heart starts racing every time the phone rings. I feel sorry for the person on the other end - I'm genuinely happy to talk with my friends and family, and I'm simultaneously dissapointed that it's not this one call. I think the dissapointment is what comes through.

Today I'm Breaking the Rules

• I'm wearing jeans.
• I'm listening to the radio.
• I'm chatting on gmail.
• I'm not affixing my front license plate.

Yup - I'm a rebel. And I've been caught. By the Denver Police - but just for the license plate thing. They don't care that I'm listening to the radio. So I'm busy trying to weed out my registration and proof of insurance and I'm shaaaaaking like crazy. Here's a little taste of what happened next:

Police officer trying to help (i think): "M'am, it's going to be okay, you can stop shaking."
Maria: I'll try. (As if I could turn it off.)
P: Have you been pulled over before?
M: Yes
P: There aren't an warrants out for your arrest are there?
M: Not that I know of (dear god this feels a bit familiar...starting to get paranoid)

[P leaves to write ticket]

P: Blah, blah, ticket, blah. Be careful now.
M: I will. (because I'm just glad you didn't arrest me!) {There was NO reason for him to...just for clarification.}

A Blanket Apology

Why is it that when I'm stressed out I lose any sort of tolerance. Except for maybe alcohol tolerance, maybe. Right now I have a lot on my mind - I'll post about it here in time, for now it's staying off the blog. Since my stress tolerance is completely used up trying not to explode over this issue, my tolerance for anything else is completely non-existent. There is a girl I work with who drives me nuts on a regular basis. Usually I can just brush it off, and for the last two days I barely speak to her civilly. (if that's even a word.) Last night I was trying to give directions to a friend and there were a lot of people trying to help and I snapped - I'm sorry. It was completely undeserved, all about me, and you had no way of knowing.

I'm beginning to see (with help) a bit of what this is actually about deep down. And I'm working that through - slowly. For now I'm afraid I'm taking it out on people around me, and I'm sorry. I'll do my best to apologize when I see it. I don't know that I always do.

Some Observations, In No Particular Order

• Birds in the training room at 8:00 in the morning are not cool.
• I like to think that I don't need to be in the spotlight, but then when people around me insist on being in the spotlight all the time it pisses me off.
• If the little red dot is showing on the bathroom door - don't pull on it.
• Patience, when waiting for big news, is hard to come by.
• I have a lot more inner rage than I'm willing to let myself realize.
• Margaritas are tasty.
• So is rice made with coconut milk.
• There are days I have no threshold for dealing with my own stress - today is one.
• Happy 26th birthday Joy!!
• I heart festival food.

Rave: Sunflower Farmers Market

Sheralee has introduced me to a new grocer here in Denver: Sunflower Farmer's Market. It's in the lines of Wild Oats and Whole Foods only wayyyy cheaper and not entirely organic. What I love the most though is the produce section - it's HUGE! Everything is fresh and cheap! On Saturday I got an entire pound of Strawberries for 77 cents, and the red and orange peppers were only 88 cents each and I really could go on and on. I'm waiting for the sweet corn to go on sale - I've had a bit of sticker shock on the sweet corn here in Denver - 4 for a dollar is about as good as it gets. I remember it being much cheaper in Michigan...perhaps I'm just being nostalgic. The meats looked fresh and healthy and they too were entirely reasonable.

In any case I had a full cart of groceries and my entire bill was less than $50! The people there were extremely helpful and the bagger even reminded me that Wednesdays are double special days - the end of one set and the beginning of another so you can get specials from two weeks! Seriously a new fan of Sunflower Market.

Serving or Servicing

I haven't posted anything about my word annoyances on here lately so I figured it was time for another. Many of the people I work with insist on selling the company's abilities by telling clients that we will service them with top-of-the line equipment, blah, blah, blah.

Why can we not just say we will serve them? The mechanic services your car. Service is slang for fornication. We will serve our clients and in so doing we will offer them exceptional customer service. We will not service them.

I Could Be Allergic to the Midwest

I used to tease my sister that she was allergic to the Midwest - she would sneeze uncontrollably when she came to Michigan for the summer. Today I can not stop sneezing and it's gloomy and rainy out - much like a spring or fall day in West Michigan. Maybe there's truth in these allergies...

Can't Keep My Eyes Open

This picture says how I feel. Thanks VBT and ST.

If Ya Ain't Dutch...

(in unison now)...ya ain't much. At least that's how the saying goes. And according to the Denver Post, if ya ain't dutch, ya ain't taller than everybody else. Now I know the tallest man in the world just got married and he's Chinese but (drum roll please) the Dutch are now taller than Americans! Anyone who's been to West Michigan would have thought this to already be true (if you would have asked me I would have thought so), but now it's official. Here's my favorite part of the article:

"Does it really matter? Does being taller give the Dutch any advantage over, say, the Chinese (men, 5 feet, 4.9 inches; women, 5 feet, 0.8 inches) or the Brazilians (men, 5 feet, 6.5 inches; women, 5 feet, 3 inches)?

Many economists would argue that it does matter, because height is correlated with numerous measures of a population's well-being. The same things that make someone tall - a nutritious diet, good prenatal care and a healthy childhood - also are beneficial in health, wealth and longevity. Maybe even intelligence. "

Maybe? Maybe? I'd say absolutely.

Oh - I'm Not Your Honey

How do you ask someone you work with to stop calling you honey? There's this girl I work with - she and I have basically the same position within the company - and every time she says thank you or asks me to do something she addresses me as honey. She doesn't do it any other time and my gut reaction is to reply like this: {attitude finger wave} "Oh, I'm not your honey, so you can stop calling me that." I'm fairly certain this is neither professional nor productive so I've held my tongue.

Problem is, I don't have any better ideas and it irritates me to no end! It feels condescending, especially because she only uses it when she's trying to get me to do something for her, and in my humble (or not so humble) opinion it's unprofessional and unnecessary. So how do I ask her to stop without it seeming like an attack?

Extolling the Benefits of Product

I know I post about my hair on here a lot. I'd like to think I'm not obsessed, and, deep down I know that I am. And I don't care. Today feels like a good hair day. I was starting to think that I really really hated my hair and it was time to do something drastic. However - I've been doing nothing more than washing it and letting it go lately. A sure recipe for disaster. Today I broke out all the versions of product hiding in my cabinets and it helps sooo much! So here's to hair product. My waves are pretty, bangs smooth, and general style appealing today thanks to curl activator, defrizz serum and defining wax. That's all it takes people. That's all it takes.

IDK my BFF Jill?

I'm sitting at the table in my apartment using Wendy's computer for the last few precious borrowed minutes before returning it to her this evening. I've been glancing out the window at the people walking by - it's almost always interesting and today is no exception.

I saw a friend of Vivian's walk and then drive by in his car. His school is two blocks from my apartment and this is not the first time he's walked by. If he wasn't across the street I would have said something.

I saw a RTD bus driver TEXTING while he was driving a big bus! Maybe he was texting IDK my BFF Jill to a friend.

On previous days I've spotted two donkeys, a whole parade of bicycles and lots of homeless people. The seconds of conversations I hear as people pass under my window is also usually quite interesting. I should start leaving a digital recorder on my windowsill to record conversations as well as the music people have turned all the way up on their stereo while stopped at my red light.

Lost: The Ability to Cope

It hit me hard this weekend that I'm close to reaching the limit of what I can handle. I would like to think that I could rise to any occasion and then life hits and I start to realize that's probably just a pipe dream. I'm tired and exhausted and that showed through big time this weekend. It showed when I nearly broke into tears in the Apple store when a perfectly kind and helpful "genius" couldn't help me with my computer. It showed when I was out for dinner with a friend and found that anger was pretty much the mode of expression that I had left for that day. It showed when I left 15 messages for my landlord over a slow drip that had the potential of turning into a flood in my apartment.

I used to be able to go with the flow better than I can now. In fact I don't think that I really have that skill left to me in anything larger than deciding what to have for dinner or how to spend a Sunday afternoon. I would like it back. Mostly because it feels like I am in a vicious cycle of turning every little thing into a dramatic occurrence and wasting precious energy that could be spent on finding that center back. Until I'm in that calmer place I have a hard time coping which uses up the energy it takes to find that center back. Sorry for the poor explanation.

For now I think I'll try resting. Just plain resting in the hopes that I'll be refreshed and ready to face another day.

Happy Birthday - Country

I really wish today was also a national holiday. It makes sense - how does Uncle Sam expect us to truly celebrate the independence of our country if we have to think about getting to work on time in the morning? I am totally exhausted today, and thankfully it seems to be a very quiet day around the office.

One Thing Can Change Everything

So it's been a fairly rotten week - and yes I know it's only Tuesday noon. I was surfing the web on my lunch break and discovered that Rob Bell is coming to Denver in the fall. (http://www.godsarentangrytour.com/) When I think about the things I miss in GR the list goes something like this: Family, Burt, Fat Boy Friday, Mars Hill and Oberon. The rest of the list changes, but those 5 are staples. The hope of a taste of home in Denver 4 months from now has been a bright spot.

Cutting the Tension with a Roundkick to the Head

My office has become incredibly tense in the last week and a half or so. Which is saying something because I thought it was a tense place to be before! I need a tension cutting laugh oh, every 5 minutes, so I added the "Chuck Norris Fact Generator" to my google homepage. So every time I open google I get a funny little fact like this one: "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes." Most of them are about Chuck Norris round kicking someone. It helps. I can't explain it, it just does.

Gimme a Break

I would like a kit-kat but they're 75cents in the snack machine here and there's no way I'm paying that to the man for a snack.

That said - I've been working on a data project since Friday. (When I'm not talking with my new boss.) I'm not going to be able to finish this week and I asked if I could set it aside to be able to get some other work done. Apparently that's not the best course of action - although I'm more motivated right now by my bonus than I am by the boss that's not going to be here on Monday. I'll work on it for the rest of today, and then after that I just may put it off until Monday. It is numbing my mind - and when it's not doing that it leaves my mind completely free to start thinking about other stuff. Which isn't good because then I get myself worked up about stuff - usually unnecessarily.

For example, every time I have a new pain or illness that lasts more than a day or so I end up having myself convinced I have cancer. And - I know I bruise easily, but I read somewhere once that a lot of bruises is a warning sign for leukemia, so a bunch of bruises sometimes gets me in a tizzy. Or when a company meeting is called out of the blue (as it was this week) my mind starts going in about 77 directions about what we could possibly need to talk about. (That one's not so crazy because there's truth in about 60 of those ideas...)

And yet - I'm often so impulsive and I tend to think of myself as fairly laid back.. I have no idea how these things work together - today, in my data induced insanity they seem to contradict themselves. Or maybe I'm wrong about being impulsive and laid back. Fairly laid back. Ah well - back to the data, and the insanity!

Absolutely

I used to say fabulous all the time. I probably still say it more than the average person, just not as often as I once did. Now I find myself saying absolutely all the time. I've slowly been coming to this realization and this afternoon during a small training session I could not believe how many times I caught myself replying "absolutely".

Done, Done I'm Done

So I've been trying to stick it out at my job for a few more months in an attempt to have a job in Denver that lasted more than 8 months. In the past week, however, the true colors of the management at my company has shown through even stronger than it has in the time I've been here and I'm done working for the man. Or perhaps more accurately - these men. I'm not quitting, I'm not overtly trying to get fired, I'm just stepping up the job search.

The last week has been otherwise good. My family was in town and it was great to be able to spend some time with them. We were able to watch the Rockies beat the Yankees in Coors Field, did a teeny bit of hiking, did some touristy stuff, and played a lot of games. Good times, good times.

Now it's back to the grind - a grind I'm up for changing, so we'll see what happens. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted :)

Found: Desk

I finally found a desk last week and Luke helped me bring it home yesterday. It looks much like this one, only not quite in such great condition:

It looks a lot better in my house than it did in the dingy back of a thrift store and I'm sure it's happy to have a nicer, if much smaller, home. It has a lot of drawers, so it felt good to hide some stuff this weekend and have my house feel more organized.

My family has arrived in the great state of Colorado! So - you probably won't be hearing from me for a few days. Instead read my friend Bonnie's blog n' blessings. I'm sure you'll find it entertaining!

Size Discrimination

Just because I only have a 3 foot wall to put a desk on should not mean that it's impossible for me to find a desk that I like. Should being the key word. I drove all over the burbs last night trying desperately to find something - and to no avail. I'll admit that there's a genuine possibility I'm being too picky. However, I have a studio apartment. It's tiny. And I don't want to have to look at a desk I don't really like day in and day out. Is that too much to ask?

So - here's what I'm looking for Denver metro area: A small desk made of dark wood (or laminate - not picky there) that will fit in a 3 foot by 1.5 foot space that is not a contemporary computer desk. Preferably used and not too expensive. If I don't find something tonight I may just hold out and order this desk even though it's a bit more than I want to spend:

Oh the Distraction

I have absolutely no desire to work this week. My family is coming into town next week so I really want to spend my time doing much more important, although not necessarily much more enjoyable, things. Things like:

• Finish the painting in my apartment (done!)
• Hang stuff on the walls
• Find a desk for the computer they're bringing
• Beg for Oberon
• Cleaning
• Laundry (done!)
• Sit out in the sun
• Get directions to all the places they want to go
• Go to a pool

Um - yeah, anything but work.

Monday - Really?

I swear to all things good and beautiful that Monday mornings are hard. Not in the way that driving is hard - really damn hard. Next Monday my family is coming - how exciting is that! Let's hope that makes Monday easier - at least for one week.

On Transitions

tran·si·tion [tran-zish-uhn, -sish-] –noun
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.
2. Music.
a. a passing from one key to another; modulation.
b. a brief modulation; a modulation used in passing.
c. a sudden, unprepared modulation.
3. a passage from one scene to another by sound effects, music, etc., as in a television program, theatrical production, or the like. –verb (used without object)
4. to make a transition: He had difficulty transitioning from enlisted man to officer.

I've been in transition for about a month now - it began with the prospect of the physical transition of moving, and is so much more than that. It's a transition from living with a roommate to living alone, from a big apartment to a small one, from one way of doing life to another.

I don't have patience for transition. I expect myself to adapt right away and get frustrated when it doesn't happen. For whatever reason yesterday I looked up the definition of transition, and the point about music struck me. Musical transition, modulation, key change - it's not the most pleasing sounding part of a piece, it's not the part you sit back and say ahh and yet, it's usually the most interesting part of piece of music. The part with the most theory to dissect and talk about, and the part where much of the time you see really what a composer is trying to communicate.

So for now I'm trying to have that type of attitude toward this transition. That it's not pretty or enjoyable, but it's a time to find my true motivations and get in touch with more reality. Hopefully that attitude will help me adapt more gracefully.

That's What She Said

I jumped on this bandwagon quite a bit later than my friends. However - playing the "that's what she said" game at the Cork House and the Elm on a Tuesday night = great fun :) That's what she said.

PS - I didn't get fired!