Lost: The Ability to Cope

It hit me hard this weekend that I'm close to reaching the limit of what I can handle. I would like to think that I could rise to any occasion and then life hits and I start to realize that's probably just a pipe dream. I'm tired and exhausted and that showed through big time this weekend. It showed when I nearly broke into tears in the Apple store when a perfectly kind and helpful "genius" couldn't help me with my computer. It showed when I was out for dinner with a friend and found that anger was pretty much the mode of expression that I had left for that day. It showed when I left 15 messages for my landlord over a slow drip that had the potential of turning into a flood in my apartment.

I used to be able to go with the flow better than I can now. In fact I don't think that I really have that skill left to me in anything larger than deciding what to have for dinner or how to spend a Sunday afternoon. I would like it back. Mostly because it feels like I am in a vicious cycle of turning every little thing into a dramatic occurrence and wasting precious energy that could be spent on finding that center back. Until I'm in that calmer place I have a hard time coping which uses up the energy it takes to find that center back. Sorry for the poor explanation.

For now I think I'll try resting. Just plain resting in the hopes that I'll be refreshed and ready to face another day.