Wow - 10,000!

I know I've posted a lot of snow pictures on the blog this winter - I'm sure you're as sick of looking at them as I am of being in the snow. I took this one on Saturday morning though - and I really like it. The old fire escape and old building juxtaposed with the more modern cash register building. It's a pretty view from my window. There are more pictures from January if you click the My Pictures link to the right. Mostly of birthdays celebrated this month.

I've written enough sappy year in review posts in the last month and I can not do it again. However - I hit 10,000 hits on the blog somewhere in the past couple of days and I think that's pretty darn cool! I'm sure 8,000 of them are me using my blog to link to friend's blogs - and seeing that 10,000 is fun nonetheless. I am so curious about the people reading this blog. I get the craziest hits sometimes - what's been really interesting actually is to see what weird google searches turn up this blog. So thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy yourself while you're here.

Happy Birth Day

Welcome to the world Hannah Sophia! My college roommate and friend had a baby girl last week - little Hannah Sophia took her first breath on Thursday January 25 and is the prettiest little thing. She lives in Tennessee and while I can barely believe I'm saying this (Joy this is your fault) I think she's the only little ten I see. Congrats and shout outs to Lisa & Matt!

As Seen in Germany

We're in Agreement Then?

I was thinking yesterday a lot about agreement. Mostly about where the need for agreement comes from. I'm sure it's not totally universal, however, it seems that most times I'm discussing something - anything - with another person one or the other of us (myself included) or both are working hard to get the other to agree with us. Not just see things from our perspective. Not just understand our point of view. Ultimately what we want is to leave the conversation with the same conclusion. And if we're honest I think the conclusion of "we'll agree to disagree" is not what we're going for.

Where does this come from? The need, desire, effort towards homogeneous thought? It seems as though everywhere you look diversity is being celebrated. And yet it still seems as though the goal is making all of our differences little because x thing is the same.

Part of me wants other people to think like me. God knows I don't want to think like anyone else. ("I can do it myself" right Mom?) And yet most of the time I would like to think that I genuinely just want to hear and be heard. Learn and teach. Does it still come down to love and be loved? I don't know, and I've been thinking about it.

In other news: Any readers in the Denver area have a piano they want to get rid of? Dave recently offered to keep a piano at his band's practice site for a portion of the rent and I'm completely tempted now. Just need to find a cheap starter piano.

The Days I Don't Want to Be a Girl

I would like to blow off the rest of the day. I'm at home for lunch in some girly physical pain and feeling generally obstinate as I tend to do at this stage in the game. I feel completely unattractive and I would like to crawl up in a ball until I feel better.

Down - Strangely Down

Today the sun came out. It was warm - almost 50 I think. And while normally this would put me in a fantastic mood I found myself surprisingly down today. Down like I haven't been in at least a couple of months. I hope and pray that it was hormones or a passing thing. And right now I'm just about crying over this sweet girl on American Idol. She's crying - and I think it's contagious.

I did do one thing that made me happy today though. I claimed my money back from the government! Here's to tax returns.

The Straw

The straw has been breaking the proverbial camel's back at work for me on a daily basis. I'm at a loss to figure out how to sift through the mountain of irritations to find what's real, what's perceived, what can be changed, what needs to be left to die. Every day lately I'm irritated - this morning it was in my opinion legit (too legit to quit) however there are times when simply hearing the voice of one of my coworkers is enough to send me off the edge. And that's not right. This is what I've been thinking about lately. I hope I can find a way to turn that thinking into action sometime soon.

In other news I've been completely distracted by this picture. I found it on accident while doing a project for work and I need to use it for something soon. Not sure what yet though.

Must Do This More Often

Dave and I took my Christmas snowshoes out for their inaugural trip today. As it turns out snowshoeing in Colorado is quite different than snowshoeing in Michigan. I don't know why I'm always surprised by this because almost everything is different in Colorado. In Michigan snowshoeing is just like hiking - even if you have to trail blaze. Mostly because I've never gone when there was more than a foot of snow on the ground. In the mountains of Rocky Mountain National Park there is foot after foot after foot of snow on the ground and you're climbing a mountain. All this to say it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be and I'm very thankful Dave was patient with me.

We did leave Denver at 6 this morning though - so now I'm exhausted - that good exhausted where you did something instead of that I'm so bored with working exhausted. There are more pictures on my fotki site by clicking the My Pictures link to the right.

I love the weekend.

Today I slept in, ran some errands and spent some quality time sitting on the couch. Still there actually. I'll get in the shower soon and then head out to celebrate birthdays of a couple of work friends. Then tomorrow it's off to the mountains to do some snowshoeing. I heart the weekend!

And for those of you whom I've tried to describe the state of the side roads here in Denver please take a look at this news video. It's actually a fairly funny report on sideroad ettiquette. Teehee.

So Disorganized

I could be talking about my apartment - disorganization rules in my sections of it at the moment. What I'm really talking about is my thoughts though. I've started about sixtyleven blog posts in the last couple of days and they all ended up irritating me, so there was no way I was going to subject you, my kind and loyal readers (all 7 of you) to the verbal diarrhea that they were.

I'll say this - I've been thinking a lot in the past week or so about direction, vocation, career, connectedness, love and I'm sure more. To the point where I think my brain is even going in the night because I'm having a hard time waking up in the morning. That could also have something to do with the fact that it's been bone chilling cold. I thought I was so clever on Sunday when I told my mom that it was twice as warm as it had been the day before. And by that I meant it was 12 degrees out instead of 5.

Here's the kicker of today. My boss asked a coworker to stretch the truth in order to cover up something that she did if his boss asked about it. Now - my coworker did nothing wrong. In fact the "thing" that she did was terribly helpful and will help her do her job better. And I feel like it's crossing the line. I don't want him to ask me to do the same. I also don't know if I'm just overreacting because I don't like the boss' boss to begin with and so I think it's stupid to have to tiptoe around him. I wish there was some sort of sensor that would go off to let you know the weight to place on certain events. Wouldn't that be nice...maybe it's my million dollar idea. Better than a 5 pound block of silly putty. That's all I'm sayin'.

Damn I'm Hooked

American Idol started again tonight...so addicting. And I'm addicted.

90 Days

I've made it 90 days at my new job. For the third time in just over a year. Time to bring in the personal items - which include a beautifully framed copy of one of my last projects in Grand Rapids featuring the picture you see here.

After last week and the events of the past year I'm continuing to have doubts about how hard I work, how lazy I am, how much I procrastinate, and how much I really do enjoy what I'm doing. I really love creating things, and writing and being creative which seems like marketing would be a good fit. I also love talking to people - which seems like it would be a good fit for marketing and sales except for the fact that I am not skilled nor do I desire to be skilled in the art of persuasion. I sometimes wish I wouldn't get bored sitting at the front desk somewhere and answering phones and talking to people. If the company were busy enough and the pay was high enough to make the rent I sometimes think that I could be so happy and content just sitting at the front desk. It's possible that the feminist side of me, which is usually fairly docile, has reared it's head in my work life. (And I say work life because I have no desire to climb some corporate ladder - I want to find something I like that pays the bills and then do it and do it well.) But back to the point of this rambling - that perhaps the tame feminist in me doesn't think that being a receptionist is good enough work. That it's demeaning. Which if you were to ask me straight up I would deny wholeheartedly - there are people I love who do just that and I think they're incredible women.

When I lived in Michigan I had a volunteer gig at the church I was attending. Each Sunday morning I would sit at the front of the preschool area and greet people as they entered and help new people find their way. I loved it. I wanted to do it every day. Perhaps this is a part of why the dream I talked about in an earlier post is so appealing. Because in that world I would spend so much time just talking to people. I would however for the dream have to learn how to be persuasive. So there's that. In any case - the 90 day mark has set me to thinking. Again. Sweet.

Short update

I have not posted too much lately - mostly because work and irritation and frustration with it have been taking up most of my energies. And I don't want to post too much about work on the blog in an effort to not get fired.

This weekend so far has been a beautiful break from it - hopefully I'll have energy to go back tomorrow and do a good job and work hard.

Brrrrrrrr

You know that it really is cold when you can count the number of degrees fahrenheit it is outside on one hand. That's what's happening here in Denver today and apparently for this entire weekend. Awesome.

And in the end I'm not really complaining all that much because it will make it easy to do nothing but relax, read, sit by the fire, talk and recover this weekend. Which is totally what I want to do and if it were going to be warm out I think I would have to make excuses to stay in.

I'm just feeling so exhausted. Last night I came home after a frustrating day, ate some dinner, watched a teeny bit of TV and then went to bed early. I tried to read a bit and fell asleep before 10 with no problems and had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. After getting 9 hours of sleep. It just doesn't seem right.

Jury Duty

I got called to Jury Duty today. I think there's a reason it's called "Duty." I have about a month though before it's my turn. If I do get called I hope I get called for something interesting, or something that'll get me on Dateline.

That was the end of the day though. Before that I was enjoying the warm weather that finally made it to Denver. For today. We're scheduled to get some really cold temperatures starting tomorrow and, drum roll please, more snow. Gahw!

So in life. I've only lived twenty seven years of it and there's no way I can even pretend to have a fraction of it figured out. And I have a question. Do you ever feel like you get something figured out? Every time I turn around it seems as though the ground I'm standing on is moving. Metaphorically. Now that I'm back in Denver and it seems as though things are getting back to normal after the holidays and the blizzard it seems as though that normal is off from the normal of before. Not tons, just enough to know that I'm not sure where to step next. It's exhausting at the moment.

Belated New Year's Resolution

Before I get to it, please enjoy this picture of my neice from when I went home for Christmas. If you want to see more click the My Pictures link on the right.

And to the point:
I wasn't going to make New Year's resolutions this year because most of my goals these days are so cliche and I couldn't bring myself to make them official. Today however in the midst of some frustration at work - nothing serious, just run-of-the-mill work frustration - I was reminded of a dream I have. A dream that seems to be following me - and a dream that I'd like to start to follow. So my resolution for 2007 is to write a business plan and start working toward this dream. I'd love to look back some day on 2007 and say - that's where I started to take control of my dreams, and without 2007 I wouldn't be the person I am today. Now, I know that officially you could say that about any year. I'd like to say though that in 2007 I made choices that changed the course of my life instead of the things that happened to me in 2007 changed me.

Wanna hear more about my dream? You will. Not quite ready to post it in cyberspace just yet. Sorry - you'll have to wait.

Be Careful What You Ask For

I asked for the option to graze while I was home because without going into too much detail one thing I missed about being home on Christmas was the opportunity to eat and feast all day long. This beautiful spread of cookies and candies was on display and available 24/7 while I was home and it was awesome. Until now. Now I think I'm hungry all the time. And I'm just not - and the training my body to go back to a pre-holiday hunger level and schedule is going to be hard work. Work I'm not looking forward to.

Seriously El Nino

I am done with you. We got somewhere around 8 more inches of snow yesterday according to the news people and today there was an avalanche that buried cars on a road I've actually driven on and there were white out conditions that shut down the highway from here to Boulder because of a pile up accident. And Dave tells me they're starting to predict another storm for the end of this week. Gahhw. I'm so sick of it.

Mood: Whiny

Today I am whiny. And yes, I would like some cheese to go with my whine - only I can't have it. See - Whiny. Here's a list of things I'm whiny about today:

1 - It's snowing AGAIN! On the list of things that Denver usually beats Grand Rapids on it's snow - only this winter Denver feels like GR and GR feels like Denver. Grr.
2 - All of my coworkers in my department were asked, among other things, to work outside the office today. I have mostly administrative duties (which I'm normally very thankful for) so I was expected to be in the office. While it's snowing.
3 - I forgot my personal cell phone at home.
4 - Did I mention that it's snowing?
5 - There are a couple more work related complaints - gonna lump them all here because I don't want to get fired for my blog.
6 - My stomach liked the holiday schedule of eating cookies all day every day and is not happy about getting back on a healthy schedule. My clothes however are begging for it.

There's more. The rest though is stupid petty stuff that I'm just whiny about because I'm whiny. Here's to a better day and to it being Friday!

Surprising Anger

Today was a strange day at work. People were stressing out, worked up, micromanging and I still had a hard time finding motivation. I did a random google search and the following article was near the top of the list:

'If you don't take a job as a prostitute, we can stop your benefits'

The story was about a woman who was on unemployment benefits in Germany where they've legalized prostitution. As the article outlined it a person in Germany can lose their unemployment benefits if they turn down a valid job offer. When prostitution was legalized - somewhere in the past couple of years - a job offer in a brothel turned into one of those jobs. So there are women in Germany who are losing their unemployment benefits because they refuse to work in a brothel.

This angered me on so many levels. Most of them I'm sure you can understand and I'm not going to go into them in this blog post because it's not the surprising part. The new anger which I've never experienced before is the anger of helplessness. What am I going to do about it living in Denver? I don't have a job to offer. I don't have money to send at the moment. I have no influence over the German government. What good is having knowledge of injustices without having choices to make toward change.

Then later in the day I realized what a fricken contradiction I am. Vivian got a (red) candle for Christmas - a product that promises to use it's influence to help save Africa. I've got nothing against Africa, in fact I'm all about saving it. Fighting AIDS. Saving Darfur. Stopping violence and civil wars. And yet I'm completely skeptical of the (red) products. They're so trendy. Do people really want to help or do they just want one of those trendy t-shirts from the Gap. Does that matter? I'm also skeptical about how much money actually goes to Africa. Is it tied into profits or does it come right off of gross? People are making money off of people's sympathies for a very real problem. It makes me sick. Yet I'm not trying to do anything to help Africa either.

I don't understand myself today. Just crazy.

In other news - more snow is on the way overnight tonight which is just so irritating seeing as driving in Denver is still like off roading and the street just east of our house is totally blocked off by police cars and lots and lots of crime tape. I'm very curious about what's going down.

Baby Got Back

You may have noticed the lapse in blogging there for a week or so. Please accept my apologies - I've been travelling and catching up with family and friends and jumping back on the computer was not high on the priority list. It's back up there now though - don't you worry! So what have I been up to you ask? I'll give you a quick rundown. Then perhaps I'll get back to the real blogging tomorrow :)

I did make it out of Denver last week Thursday. I've never seen the lines so long at DIA - the security line wound through the baggage claim area and I saw a United ticket line that wound through the food court area on the second floor of the terminal. Checking in online and printing off my boarding pass before heading to the airport was perhaps one of the best choices I have ever made. After hitting Dallas and O'hare I made it to Grand Rapids 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Well - technically a day and 10 minutes, that's really beside the point.

I surprised my mother's family by showing up at their Christmas party even though I wasn't supposed to be in Michigan until the next morning. Saw my dad's parents for breakfast, my friend Christy for coffee, Mary and Terri at Terri's house, Burt & Tim at their place and spent some beautiful quality hours with my family. I went to Meijer. Saw Lake Michigan from the plane. Celebrated Christmas, New Year's and Sharon's wedding. I think it was a great trip home. I'll try to have some pictures for you very soon.

Now I'm back and it feels good to be back in a routine. I didn't want so much to get out of bed this morning, and aside from that getting back to normal after the holidays, the blizzard and travelling is helping me start feeling like a normal human being again. Yay.