Approved!

I've been approved for a new apartment and just need to schedule a time to sign the lease. I can't tell you the relief that I feel. Yay!

Absent

I've been absent. There are plenty of reasons and explanations, I'll just give you the top two excuses. And yes, they feel like excuses.

1 - I don't have computer access at home and won't until mid-June.
2 - I got in deserved technology related trouble at work last week, and I'd rather not get fired for updating my blog at work.

This little lady of a blog will only get updated periodically for the next stretch of time. If you have questions feel free to send me an email. Well - actually it'll probably be easier just to call me for the next 2 months or so.

best, mgd

My Own Worst Enemy

I think sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. I found an apartment that I actually like last night. One I could imagine getting excited about moving into - which in my emotional world felt huge. And now, now that I've applied and I'm waiting for the credit check to run I'm sitting here convincing myself more and more by the minute that there's no way they'll ever take me and I'll never find an apartment. Seriously - if I could think a little more positively maybe I wouldn't feel so sick to my stomach.

Pack it up Pack it in. Let me begin.

I'm still trying to find a new apartment. The perfect "that's the one" is not out there. Each apartment is just about right and I think I'm just going to have to decide which amenity is most important to me.

Here's what I mean:

• Apartment #1 has beautiful wood floors, no white walls and a huge closet. It also only has a mini fridge.
• Apartment #2 has a full size fridge, big closets and wood floors. It also has white walls and a smelly hallway.
• Apartment #3 has a full size fridge, huge closet, fireplace, patio and laundry on every floor. It also has less than stain-free carpet and is about 5 blocks further east than I really want to be.

I'm looking at two more places today, hopefully one of them will jump out as "theone." Also playing into my crazy - my bonus check, which in my opinion should have arrived by now, keeps getting blown off by my boss for vague reasons. I'm starting to think we're not going to get them at all. Which is horse shit because it was part of my compensation package when I was offered the job, and I work hard.

As much as I want to pack it up and leave this whole saga in the past, something keeps coming up to bite me.

So Angry.

So I thought I had cried it out. And it turns out I haven't. This Monday morning sucks.

I've Been Desensitized

I think in a good way though. The past two weeks have tossed so many crazy things at me. I started off getting completely thrown off base by them. Thinking that life as I knew it was over. Since then our moving date keeps changing, my car broke down, my phone broke in half, my friends were in a car accident, personal days were eliminated at work and you get the picture.

Now it's almost as though I barely notice when things are going crazy. I think it's how life works for me, when things are nuts I make more sense. I sometimes wonder if I create a world that is that way, if that's how I thrive. Some of these things did not just happen, they were a culmination of my choices. Plus I'm pretty darn impulsive and so that gets me into trouble a LOT.

However - it kills me to think that I thrive on drama. When I see other people living that way it makes me sad because it seems like a good way to waste bunches of energy. I wonder though if it's so easy for me to see it in others because it's something I don't like about myself.

Moving

I'm probably moving soon and I haven't posted about it because it's been a saga - starting around Christmas and still not totally resolving itself. I've been feeling so many things about it - negative and positive - and per my commitment to be honest with that directly with the peeps around me, it hasn't seemed fair to spew it all over blogland.

Today however, the most hopeful thing happened. In an email conversation with our current landlord a scenario that I had not even considered arose. Nothing is final, it's a total shot in the dark, and now the ask is out there without an immediate no. Which means to me that it's on the table with no indication of whether it's about to slip off the edge or whether it's sitting solidly in the center. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and at the same time, it would be a really great alternative for me.

I'll let you know how it all shakes out.

Non-Traditional Easter

So Vivian sums up the early morning adventure of Easter morning quite well over on her blog. I don't have the time or the energy to recap it right now. It's possible I could later. She also mentions briefly the fact that there was an accident. I was not involved and all the peeps who were are going to be fine. Some injuries and a lot of pain and scrapes, nothing that required an over night hospital stay. Brings me to Monday morning exhausted. And I was only fringely involved!

A highlight though - tasty pork skewers, rice dish, salsa, plantains and cake! A beautiful non-traditional meal for what no one knew was going to be such a non-traditional Easter.

Turn Around

Things are turning around for me. Yay! I have a nice quiet car, a new phone, and I wore jeans to work today. I'm still looking for a new apartment, and most everything I can find is teeny tiny. Which is more than fine, it's just finding the best teeny tiny place I can find. I have looked at more than a dozen places and at this point there are three front runners. Basically it's a choice between mountain views and a pool versus a gigantic closet and free internet versus a cool old school peep hole and a dressing room. The rest is basically the same between the three. I have a few more appointments to go to and we still don't have a definite moving date, so I'm keeping up the hunt. There hasn't been a place I walked into yet that I knew was "the place" so I'm trying to let go of that dream.

All of the excitement of this week has left me extremely exhausted and I know that I'm going to need to find some time this weekend to be home and just be. Happy Easter.

Happy 80th Birthday Grandma!

(it was yesterday)

Quick Update

A list - in no particular order:

• My car is in the shop. The exhaust system fell out (again).
• My cell phone is in two pieces. I dropped it (again).
• I'm on the hunt for a new place to live.
• My grandmother turned 80 yesterday!
• I'm exhausted, sorry if I snap at you.