Does s--- like this happen to anyone else?

Seriously - random shit happens to me all the time! This morning I'm minding my own business, trying to get to work some semblance of on time and running late because I tried to do the pack while you get ready thing which always takes longer than I think it's going to. As I'm doing this I see an old lady who seems to be having a hardish time walking down the street coming toward me and I think perhaps I'll ask if she needs some help. Nope. Instead as she approaches me she says "you should wear some clothes to work sometime." I kept walking. Seriously!

PS - It's going to be 96 degrees here today!

I wish this would stop surprising me!

The rest of this week has been more enjoyable. Things are certainly still a bit off kilter. I've been struck with a bottomless stomach, there are things I would still like to work on mending, and I currently have a screaming headache. And more enjoyable nonetheless.

It seems as though in the times when I am reminded that living out of and toward the love of Jesus and that reminder changes the way I act and approach the world that things start to fall into focus again. I wish this would stop surprising me. I wish this was my default way to live. Here's to progress!

Clouds and Sun

Right now as I look out the window there are dark black clouds over the city to the east and the sun's already starting to roll in again to the west. I can see it shining on the streets and buildings - even if I can't quite see the actual sun! It's beautiful. And I'm tempted to get all philosophical with it - except right now I just want to appreciate the beauty. Make your own philosophical conclusions/analogies!

Love with a capital 'L'

So I've been reminded in a couple of important conversations this week (already - I know it's only Tuesday!) that ultimately it's Jesus/Trinity/God, or however you choose to encounter him/her/it and their Love that is ultimate reality. It's what I consistently want to move toward and I hope that it will continue to guide my decisions in increasing ways!

And it's deeper talks on the porch and on gmail chat and true connection - even from far away - that is bringing this into focus once again. I think all of these connections can become better only as the connection to the Love of a higher being is becoming stronger. That's a journey I plan to be on for the rest of life.

The things that keep me going!

It's Monday morning again...and the weekend was fun. Friday night was low-key - watched TV and the movie Munich, just don't ask me about the movie I had a very hard time following it. Then on Saturday I slept in, went to the Pier 1 clearance center with Sheralee, shopped for the Wine Tasting Extravaganza with Viv, cleaned, cooked and then enjoyed a fun progressive wine tasting party. I really do love the progressive party - so fun! Then Sunday I did almost nothing! Sheralee, Viv and I went to the Pier 1 clearance center again - got the best $5 decorative throw ever - and that was about it! Later in the evening Jim and Luke came over for dinner - I experimented with chicken and strawberries and I think it turned out okay. And we had interesting discussion about what it is we want - from life, from Radius, and ultimately what we all want is to know Jesus more and more - and somehow that part of things seems to be effed up at the moment.

Now it's Monday - I'm back at work - and the following things are motivating me:
1 - On Friday night I'm flying to St. Louis to meet the newest member of our family - Cheyenne Faith Grigoletti.
2 - That will be a four day weekend where I have the chance to get out of Denver for a bit
3 - After that is a three day work week!

I heart vacation time!

Off, just plain off

In true Maria fashion I've been posting random things for the past few days because I don't know how to express what it is that's the most real to me. Here's an attempt - hopefully I can continue to get better at this.

I'm off. Just plain off. When I moved from GR to Denver I was extremely off. And then slowly I began to understand the way things worked in this new city/community I was a part of. And as I learned I found there were things I didn't understand and other things I didn't agree with. As I began to put words on what didn't make sense to me and then communicated those ideas to the people around me everything started falling apart again.

And this makes me wonder - is it all in my head? What of life is real and what of it do we create? I want so badly to understand what of what I'm experiencing and seeing is reality and what of it I'm inventing. I need to invite others into this or else it's all going to be of my creation. Yet relating at all is hard and painful right now - I'm afraid of what inviting others in will look like. What new pain it will bring. My people pleaser is screaming for attention right now - mostly I just want to be liked. And my ideas in the past few weeks haven't been liked. This is what is scary and painful. Can I separate my ideas from myself? Am I allowing my ideas to be my identity? My ideas are definitely under attack - I believe this to be reality. Does this mean I am too, or can I separate the two? I have absolutely no idea - more of a rhetorical question really.

I've been reading Donald Miller's book "Through Painted Deserts". There was a moment in it where he talks about how a person really doesn't start questioning their way of life, their existence until they move away from the place where they grew up. I'm certainly finding that to be true!

UPDATE 1: Twilight Zone

Okay seriously - I'm starting to think I don't want to go to lunch any more, that perhaps it IS the Twilight Zone. Today I went to lunch with Meghan and even more nutty stuff happened!

First I ran into a friend from my last job (yes it wasn't 100% bad there). And over the course of the lunch I saw or talked to 4 other coworkers from that job.
Second there were at least 100 skateboarders flying down the 16th Street Mall. I was sure either I was going to get run over or they were going to die via bus accident.
Then when I was walking back to the office an ambulance and a fire truck were responding to some sort of emergency. Almost simultaneously the ambulance turned the wrong way down a one-way street and while it was turning around the fire truck turned the correct directon - right into a parked car.

Seriously! Two strange lunch hours in a row - something nutty is going on.

Twilight Zone?

I think the Chipotle on California and 16th may be in {dramatic pause} The Twilight Zone.

A month ago or so when I went there with some friends I got hit on - and gave my number to a guy...who never called. Did he exist? Is this all in my head?

Then yesterday I planned to meet Vivian there and more craziness ensued. First, as I was trying to leave to meet her I couldn't get an elevator because someone in the office next to ours had some sort of medical emergency and they were trying to take her out on a stretcher. Then, as Vivian and I were eating our lunch on the patio, minding our own business, two cop cars stopped a white SUV and then all of a sudden they were talking over the loud speaker, running up to the car with their guns drawn and then making everyone vacate the SUV to search it. Apparently though they had the wrong guys cause they let them all go.

What will happen as Maria encounters Chipotle in {dramatic pause} The Twilight Zone. {creepy music}

In other news here's another picture of Cheyenne...cause I just can't resist!

Another picture!

Here's another pic of Cheyenne with my sister Shanna! Joy and my mom sent out a bunch more pics - I just don't have the patience to post all of them - I can email them if you want them, just let me know.

I am currently exhausted from the weekend. I was camping at one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen - this calm, cold, brilliant lake surrounded by mountains on every side. It was again FREEZING cold - in the 30s at night and then very nice during the day. I didn't sleep much there and it was a fairly hard weekend for me relationally. Leaves me wanting one more day to rest and relax this weekend. And back to work it is! Hopefully this coffee I'm drinking will perk me up quickly.

Cheyenne Faith Grigoletti

This is Cheyenne. Cheyenne was born last night - the daughter of my sister Shanna and her husband Dave. She's pretty much the prettiest baby I've ever seen. I can't wait to meet her and I can't wait to see more pictures of her. She's my first niece and it's pretty darn exciting! Welcome to the world Cheyenne!

The Clumsy Lovers

Here's a picture of my sister...ready to pop! My brother-in-law finally posted some pictures so we all can see how beautiful she is! The baby was due on Friday - they're ready to induce her if the little guy/girl doesn't come on it's own by the butt crack of dawn on Wednesday morning!

In other news - last night Sheralee, Jared, Vivian, Luke, Jim and I went to Boulder to hear The Clumsy Lovers play. It was soo much fun! The band. The company. The pub. And - the hippies! Lots and lots of hippies! Which is funny because usually in Boulder I just see students, families that live in suburbia, and that suburban type of hippies. But based on some of the smells and lack of shoes last night I think these may have been real hippies. I was reminded a little by the dancing of The Radio Tavern in GR (which may be closed now...I know it burned and I don't know if they rebuilt it) when Grasshoppah would play on Tuesday night. And I had the same thought last night as I did then...and I really think it, so Mary, I'm posting it on the blog. It's just curiosity...not judgment. Did the people at the concert last night or the people at The Radio Tavern try to look and smell the way they do, or, is it that they're not concerned about how they look or smell. I'm just curious. I say this with complete awareness that they were probably looking at me and thinking the same thing! Is that girl trying to have sore feet, or does she just not care?

What to say?

I feel drawn in this moment to post on the blog. Yet I have nothing and everything to say all at the same time. And I can't decide on which side to err - vagueness or over exposure. There's a side of me that wants to hold onto it all. To take care of myself. To isolate. And the other side of me wants to just say everything and then let go.

And as I write this I realize that my blog is not the place to broadcast most of the things I'm thinking and feeling. So - vagueness it is.

{ps - do any of you other bloggers think it's weird that the spell check on blogger.com doesn't recognize the word blog. cause I do}

Porch

I've been feeling fairly insecure, unsafe, and uncentered recently. Thank you for letting me leave it at that, and not get into it on the blog. Over the weekend Sheralee and Jim worked to fix up the porch. They put down jute pieces for a rug and Sheralee planted bunches of flowers and got out candles. It's beautiful, cozy and pleasant out there now! And so we've been sitting out there and it's helped and hurt all at the same time. It's been a place for beautiful community on a number of occasions since Saturday, that's helpful. And it's reminded me how much I loved sitting on the porch at Sheralee's house in GR - talking with Burt, drinking Sangria with Cherry and I miss the ease all of that was. It seems like everything in Denver is 19 times harder than it ever was in GR, sometimes unnecessarily.

Tonight when Vivian and I were sitting out there we saw a beautiful double rainbow - this picture does not do it justice. And I wonder if this is my flood. Mostly I think that's what I want to believe - that this is a time of intense cleansing and that while I'll always be growing, learning, transforming that it won't have to be like this again. I don't think it's realistic...it's just what I want.

What a weekend should be

After a really long hard week I had one of the best weekends ever! It's left me refreshed for the week - and a bit hopeful, which is not where I was on Friday night. The weekend was full of connections - a bar-b-que on Friday night, breakfast with a friend and biscuits from Lucille's, lying in the park at a festival listening to music and eating sweet corn and turkey leg, funny comedy club show, breakfast with another friend, a random car trip to a nusery (plants not babies) singing off key at the top of our lungs, a little shopping and porch sitting, a lot of porch sitting!

The weekend made it even more clear to me that true relating can't be prescribed or forced - that it's a process and doesn't happen overnight. That when it's natural and happening it's the most beautiful thing in the world, and that (damn Newton and his action/reaction) sadly the possibility exists for it to be equally as ugly.

Toasted Coconut

{happy sigh} This morning when I pulled the basket of coffee off the top of the fridge to make the regular morning pot there was a bag of Toasted Coconut coffee from Common Ground in GR that Rachel sent to Sheralee from Michigan. I almost cried for joy.

And in other news: Sheralee got and accepted a job offer yesterday!!! I'm so excited for her - it's a position she really wanted! Congratulations!

Missed Connections

Sometimes when I need a laugh I read the Missed Connections on Craigslist. They're often funny like "I saw you on a bus last week and I know you're my soul mate. I was wearing a pink sweatshirt. You had on jeans." Just makes you go huh?

Then last week I gave this guy my phone number at Chipotle because I didn't want to see a m/c that read "To the girl at Chipotle who wouldn't give me her number." He never called and so now I'm thinking of posting a missed connection myself "To the guy from Chipotle who never called."

So this afternoon I was scanning through and I found a posting that has to be from someone I know. That's all I'm going to say - and - it cracked me up!