Summer Hiatus

Without meaning to I've taken a hiatus from blogging this summer. I'm hopeful that fall brings me back to the computer, but I make no promises. My home computer is blissfully up and running after being bogged down with too much stuff and not enough memory. I have one JA to thank for that and, in the words of my father, "I'll be forever grateful".

Today I'm writing to publicly proclaim a new goal so that I have people to help hold me accountable! By my next birthday (and by next I mean a year from now, not two weeks from now) it is my goal to be employed in a place where I don't answer other people's phones, make their files, type their letters, send their emails, and do all the piddly things they don't want to do. By this time next year I want to be in a new place where I'm challenged, have responsibility, flexibility and the space to have opinions and voice them on a regular basis.

Bottom line: I'm tired of being someone else's bitch all day long and it's time to do something about it.

New Apartment

About two months ago I moved into a new apartment. I had been living in the cutest tiny little studio in the Capitol Hill neighborhood and after two years I wanted to spread my wings. Living in a larger place has allowed me to have people over more often, has left me feeling more like a grown up, and has quite frankly made me pretty darn happy. The first morning I woke up in this apartment I knew my life would change forever because the sun actually shone in the windows. I can barely believe I spent 2 years living in an apartment that never (and I mean never) got direct sunlight!



I'll post a bunch of pictures here - I hope you enjoy them:

Right Place Right Time

Do you ever have those moments where it feels like the right thing was in the right place at the right time. Without getting too cliche I tend to think that's god working her magic and it happened again today. If you're on facebook and have 10 minutes go to the Nooma page and watch the new Nooma. It spoke to me today in beautiful ways.

Out to Sea

Here it is Thursday night, I can barely remember the last time I've posted over here, but I'm compelled to write. Compelled and yet speechless.

Cricket. cricket. crickeT.

I think compelled and yet speechless is indicative of how I've been feeling lately. I sometimes think I'm just a walking contradiction. Partly because of the disconnect I so often feel between the things I say and the things I actually do and also partly because sometimes I really truly feel like I'm completely at home in two opposite sides of the coin. In this specific moment I can't come up with an example that I'm willing to post on the blog, but I'm hoping I'm not so crazy that no one can identify with what I'm saying.

One way I'm starting to feel compelled and yet speechless has to do with my job. I'm so thankful to have a job. One that pays me comfortably and so far has been fairly stable. At the same time I'm incredibly bored there. I'm capable of so much more, I'm just not compelled to move out of the comfort zone without some sort of a vision. Vision. I am completely jealous of people who have a vision or a passion or know that one thing that makes them tick. Sometimes I think there are as many things that make me tick as there are things.

In the last 6-8 months I feel like I'm coming back to life, and I think some of this push and pull is why I let myself be turned off for a while. It's so damn hard. I get so seasick with the going back and forth that I needed some moments on dry land. I welcome being back at sea, being alive. I think it's just going to take some patience, grace and getting used to.

Peace. m

Marginalized

Denver has just gotten through it's first big snow storm of the season. Yes, it's March 27 and we got our first significant snowfall. I feel a bit funny complaining about this, and I certainly wasn't complaining yesterday afternoon when I got a snow day, but now that the fun is over, I'm ready for spring back.

Yesterday when we were sent home management of my branch of a huge corporation dangled the carrot of a possible snow day today as well. That didn't pan out - the roads were still sketchy this morning, but the sun has been out most of the day and I think things are starting to clear up. I was pretty disappointed to say the least when I hadn't received my snow day email by 7:00 am this morning, which started me off in a poor mood, but it really hasn't gotten better through the course of the day and here's why. It's on days like this that the marginalization I feel in my job is shoved in my face. The large corporation I work for has two kinds of people - those who make the money, and those who support. I'm in the supporting role, and as such the corporation as a whole puts very little value in my work. There's absolutely no support for training or enhancement, whenever there are cuts or sacrifices to be made its the support that takes the brunt of it, I'm not even afforded business cards, and I'm expected to do as I'm asked, and even endure verbal abuse with a smile on my face. This is the short list. The reason this so hits me on quiet days like today is that the people I work for, the people I support, can't be bothered to come into work when the roads are bad. They won't put their lives at risk, or wasted their time on congested roads to come in, but I'm expected to do so, and with a smile on my face. It so bothers me that my time and my safety is not as valued as theirs and it reminds me that my employer views me a second class citizen.

I'm not. I wish I had enough balls to stand up for myself and fight for a little respect. This economy and the fear of layoffs that have come every 2-3 months is what's keeping me from speaking out. Even writing that out there makes me a bit ill. I have a dream that one day I'll be my own boss. Until then I guess I'll learn how not to treat people.

Thank you ST for this St. Paddy's Day Fun!

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A Good Practical Joke

So which one of you was it? Who thought it would be funny to add my email address to the Crocs promotional mailing list? Whoever it was- I am in awe of your sense of funny. It really was hilarious - I remember some other similar pranks in college. Just hope I don't find out it was you because signing people up for email lists of products that they loathe is just a bit to easy.

The Crocs company however - not as funny. I have now asked three times to be taken off of their emailing list and I still keep getting them. I think I've been pretty patient. I mean I haven't been terribly insulting in my emails. For instance, I did not tell them that I use their product as part of a screening process for whether I'll date a guy or not. I did not tell them exactly how much I loathe how the Crocs look and I how I really think that they should be relegated to gardening and nowhere else. I did however say that while I don't like their product I respect their right to produce it and I wish they would respect my right to not get their emails. It's too bad Crocs couldn't get this right, it could maybe have raised them the tiniest way in my world, but now because of their bad customer service they've dropped even further from what was already pretty low.