Good Lord I Am a Crazy Person

I had an interview this afternoon for a job that I'm actually really interested in. I am happy with all the answers I gave, I think I made a good impression, and at the end of the interview I'm still interested in the position. Not like the last interview I went on. In that one I was happy with the answers I gave, not so sure about the impression I made and at the end of the interview I was no longer interested in the position.

At the end of this interview I asked what the next steps were. I was given a terribly vague answer, which I believe to be the truth as it stands, not a vague answer to avoid commitment or something. That said, the least vague answer was that they want to fill the position by the end of September. I personally would like to be employed before the end of September and in that moment expressed that I could be available at any time and was "to play all my cards" quite interested in the position. I hope that I didn't come off too needy, and rather came off polished and interesting.

When I got home I got a regret letter from that first company. It's alright - I was planning on turning down a second interview if it was offered to me, and yet something stung about the rejection. So I had a good interview and then two little things aren't exactly the way I want them to be and I can't handle it. I feel completely crazy and out of control. I mean the interview did go well and then because of two minor things I'm completely off, I'm quiet and surly with friends and I start giving into the voices that tell me I'll never get hired again and that I won't find another job I can stick at for more than 10 months and that I'm doomed to be a drifter.

After a normal feeling night with people who didn't know that I've been laid off I feel a little better. I'm sure this is a sign I'm taking a bit too much of my identity from being employable. And still it felt good to hang out with people and not be "the unemployed one." Stupid thing is that no one has treated me like "the unemployed one" it's something I totally put on myself.

See - these are the ramblings that go on inside this head. It's exhausting!