Update

I have been posting very vaguely about phone calls and things that I want for the past at least two weeks if not more. And the time has come, dear readers, to tell you the story. It is NOT the story I wanted to tell you, and still it's the one I have. So sit right back and I'll tell a tale...

Around July 4th I began looking for a new job. I haven't come right out and said it on this blog, but I do not like the company I've been working for, and finally got to a point where I was motivated to do something about it. I applied for a select number of positions that looked really interesting, and got called back for two of them right away. I'm sorry to say that a large chain store that sells organization products exclusively did not pursue me past the first interview. But that's probably for the best - I'm an organizational wreck, and probably wouldn't have fit in real well there.

The second job was more promising. I was extremely excited about it and made it through 5 rounds of interview. Yes, you read that right - FIVE interviews. The third of which had me spending 3.5 hours meeting with seven different people in groups and some one-on-one, and the fifth of which had me presenting to a group of people about the trip I took to Carnegie Hall when I was working in Grand Rapids. This was no ordinary interview process. The five interviews took place in the span of a little more than two weeks and then I started the waiting game. I waited, one deadline passed, two deadlines passed and before I knew it more than two weeks had passed. Each time I had contact with the company I was told that the team was meeting or that the contact person was on vacation - it seemed incessantly long to me, and yet, I understood a bit of what was taking so long. In the end I did not get that position. I was extremely disappointed and still don't quite understand why it took more than two weeks to tell me I didn't get the job. That was Friday.

So I resolved to find something else, borrowed a friend's computer over the weekend and began the search yet again. Or continued it depending on how you want to look at it. Friday was also a hellish day at my current job, but that's a story I'd like to forget and for that reason will not be posting about it here on the blog. Yesterday was a hard day. I woke up in the morning after having a terrible nightmare, and went into work resolved to be productive even though it was the last place on earth I wanted to be. Turns out my unspoken wish came true. My boss (of about a month and a half) pulled me into his office one hour before quitting time to tell me that I'd been fired. He gave me some bullshit about low productivity and evaluating the department to see if anything could be scaled back. I had never in the time I've been talking with him and meeting with him gotten one ounce of negative feedback, I've been hitting my performance goals, and this was certainly a shock. I (halfheartedly) tried to convince him that he was being unreasonable and that I should be able to keep my job, but to no avail. So - it's off to the unemployment office for me. All this on a day that I should have been celebrating my southpaw-ness: http://www.lefthandersday.com/.

The time since then has been a roller coaster of three basic emotions (with a couple variations, which I won't go into). 1 - The pain of being fired, or at it's core, the pain of rejection so obvious and forceful within the span of four days. 2 - Anger at the messed up people I was working for. 3 - Relief that I never have to work another minute for the little shits. I hope that the roller coaster reaches it's end in the not to distant future, and, I hope I can use some of this anger and relief energy to find an amazing job that I can love, be productive at, and last at for more than 10 months.

Here's to another round of dying, and the feeling of loss. I really hope that I get to the bottom of this pit soon - this falling, falling and oh yeah, some more falling is absolutely excrutiating and exhausting.