Boxes

You know - it's really too bad that we as humans have limited understandings. That our limited understanding leads us to knowingly and unknowingly put things, ideas, people and god into boxes so that we can have some illusion of control. In reality the only thing I have control of is my choices - I am made up of the collection of my choices. And that collection of choices, that looks to you like Maria, is beloved by Trinity. That's the reality I'd like to live in, and I'm gradually realizing that desire more and more.

So where's this rant coming from? Don't worry...it's going to continue. In my community (which I love more every day even though it's hard as hell) there's been great importance and value place on "how you, person x, can love me well" and I'm fed up with it. Each time I, Maria, am asked to act in a certain way because "it will love me well" it feels like I am being put into someone else's box. That instead of all of us giving from our cores in all our unique ways I can only give in ways that others understand. It feels small and limiting and gross. Here's my commitment - I will give all of me in increasing ways knowing that in the midst of it I'm even putting myself in a box and I hope to God that I can continue to kick down the walls in me!