Surrender is so damn hard

Not complicated...but hard.

I know to my core that I am secure in my identity as beloved. I know to my core that nothing in this world that I do or that happens to me will change this. Yet there's this disconnect between knowing, understanding and surrender. I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps the point is surrender without understanding. That maybe, just maybe I'm adding in an unnecessary step. That old Nike slogan - Just Do It. - keeps running through my head today. Just surrender. That is my desire for today.

On the same line I've been starting to get a new picture of surrender. That surrender is not "I'm unhappy in my job and I need to surrender that unhappiness and work hard at being happy because God is in control!" That surrender rather is "I'm unhappy in my job and I acknowledge and embrace that as fact - not as bad - and I give Trinity the steering wheel. And the next step is out of my control - no matter what the next step is." The second seems scarier with the loss of control - and yet I know (though I don't understand) that Trinity is Love and in Love I am safe...no matter what.