Inner Scream

Do you ever feel like there is a scream building inside of you? That all of your innards are actually physically knotting up until a moment when a very loud actual scream will force itself out of your throat no matter what you do to try and silence it? That is how I feel this week - and this certainly isn't the first time I've felt this way in my life.

I typically experience this horrible place when I feel like I'm going to be injured in my lack of control. (which by the way is true in this moment) There's most of me that believes in the safety of belovedness - and yet - really truly living from that place usually seems impossible. And in the midst of it I wonder - perhaps the distinction is that my identity is safe and secure in Trinity and it's still possible for me to feel injured and attacked. Even though my identity is safe - there's pain in the attack. Like sitting in a bomb shelter - I'm safe and yet there's pain of being in close quarters with a bunch of other people and pain of knowing that my world is never going to be the same.

I would love to write more practically what it is that's creating this inner scream - and I just don't feel at liberty to blast it all over the internet at this moment - most of it has to do with my job.