The sunrises in Denver have been spectacular this week. I'm guessing they're often spectacular, it's just that I haven't been up to watch them until now. The hours to my new job are 7:30 to 4:30 with an hour for lunch. I'm told I could also go in at 8 and take a half hour lunch and for now I'm sticking to hour lunches because I just plain usually need the break. Anyway - now that I'm driving to work toward the sunrise (instead of walking away from it) I've been awestruck by how beautiful it is. And they've all looked different!
Overall the first week at the new job has been very good. I still am not in love with the location. However - the job functions, the team orientation and being in an office of more than three is extremely enjoyable. Tomorrow I have to go to a trade show. How awful. (she said sarcastically) I know it's still the first week and the honeymoon phase and yet I'm so hopeful that this time I may be able to stay longer than 6 months! And the joy is as much in the not sending out hundreds of resumes any more as it is in the general sense of stability in my life.
I said to a friend this week that I feel as though I'm in a time of transition. Again. The entire past year certainly has been one big transition, and yet this feels different. In a good way. And in a crazy turn of events it's a change I'm able to relax and take as it comes instead of stressing and trying to control. (to a degree...not completely) Tonight I'll go to Bible Study and I'm guessing we're continuing last week's discussion/teaching about how God is committed to me. And you. Individually. And even in a week that's been fantastic I'm skeptical. Cynical even perhaps. (sadly) I wish I could put my finger on exactly why. Today it just feels like too much to ask for or hope for. That the God of the Universe has any sort of interest in me. And there's something that at the very same time feels sick and wrong about having that reaction. Like - hey - things are going great for you and you still can't even believe Me. And I slowly am beginning to feel my outlook shift. To something more like - I'm still not sure this is right. And yet, what's the harm in choosing to believe it is and seeing where it leads. That's what every body's doing in the end right? And to get back to the sunrise, I think perhaps what's gotten me over the hump is this overwhelming sense that the sunrises were there just for me. Which feels ludacris, and clear all at the same time.
I don' t know. Call me crazy. This is what happens when I don't blog for a week.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Sunrise
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3 comments:
questions about religion are always difficult, especially for people like us who grew up in the church and know what the correct answer is, but have trouble making the emotional connect with the memorized catchechism.
Sometime's I feel like we make God into too much of a Tinkerbell type figure: as if he is somehow hurt or affected by our unbelief. Doesn't it seem like God is going to stick to his plan whether we believe it or not?
The thing I've heard said multiple times over the past year is that God is more committed to me and my transformation and growth than I ever can or will be. And there's something comforting and completely overwhelming in that.
I've been thinking lately about Open Church. I wish I would have gone. I wish I hadn't been such an uptight Calvin student. Boy...things sure change!
Open Church never really took off, and in that sense you didn't really miss out on much. But I still like the idea. Even now when I go to church I'm struck by how passive it is. People go in to see a show. And if they don't like the show, the sermon or the music, they church hop. It seems to me we've drifted from the concept of Church as a community.
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