I Might Actually Make It!

Well they're predicting more snow in Denver. Woo frickin hoo. I freaked out this morning about not being able to get out of Denver again. The snow forecast was getting worse and worse and I finally got a flight out tomorrow instead of on Friday. Yay! So I'm hoping to make it out.

I have to pack. And I'm exhausted instead. Hope I'll get it done soon!

More than just a Shovel

I'm getting ready to have Christmas Eve dinner and then later take in a Christmas Eve church service. I took a break to take pictures of the snow that has started to fall again in Denver and there was a knock on the door. It was a neighbor - a neighbor I know a teeny bit about because the door to his place is near our porch and so I see him come and go a lot when hanging out on the porch. In any case - he asked to borrow my shovel because I had it set out in the hall so not to get all the slushy snowy wetness in the apartment. I was more than happy to loan the shovel mainly because it's not even my shovel to begin with - a very very nice girl whom I like to call Jenny from the Block - loaned it to me on Friday morning and I have yet to bring it back...oots! In any case what Jenny from the Block doesn't know is that by loaning it to me she's so far (that I know of) loaned it also to Nick & Wendy and two of my neighbors.

It made me think actually in this Christmas season of something I was taught on a number of occasions in the past 2 years - first at Mars Hill and then here in Denver - that it's not good news unless it's good news for everybody. It's a stretch I know - and bear with me. I've been thinking a lot today about God the Father and his love for the world and I've been struck with this sense that if it's not good news for everybody then it's not really good news. I guess all I'm trying to say is that in this Christmas season I want to live my life in such a way that I'm good news for everyone. Good for me. Good for you. And good for the World.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Love, mgd

Asking for Trouble

There was a story on the local news website about the officials at Invesco Field working hard to prepare for the Bronco's game tomorrow. There will be limited parking and since the stadium is not a dome they had to clear the field and the stands. Pretty standard story here in Denver (which is in itself crazy) until I got to the last line of the article:

"The Broncos also want to remind fans that the throwing of snowballs at any time is prohibited."

Seriously - I'm positive that snowballs will be thrown. Especially now that they've given people the idea. Is this really funny to anyone else - or just me?

Wendy and I went all the way to Stapleton this morning to Target to beat the last Saturday before Christmas rush. It felt so good to get out of the neighborhood! I'm so glad that the repercussions of this storm are starting to let up.

Pooped...I am Pooped

I just got done shovelling my car out of this spot. It doesn't look too bad from this angle - look on the other side of the street though to imagine the plowing in that's on the street side of the car. I'm supposed to be trying to make it into work. I'm trying alright. After I got the car out I was driving it around for a bit trying to find somewhere else to put it. I got stuck, some very nice people helped me get unstuck and then Vivian helped me put it right back into this spot because there's no place else to put it.

I'm done fighting with this storm. I'd like to be laid back and take things as they come - it's a way I prefer to live my life. However - I don't feel well, I'm not going to go home for Christmas, and I feel fairly trapped here in Capital Hill. I'm not in it alone and yet I'm done. I want to go home. I'm tired. I'm angry that the storm disrupted my plans. Is that so bad? It's off to the shower for me now. We'll see what the rest of the day brings.

Damn Blizzard

Shortly after the last post officials decided to close DIA until noon tomorrow - effectively cancelling my flight. Now I'm trying not to be self-centered about this. On Wednesday morning the newscasters were saying that over a million people were scheduled to fly in, out or through DIA this weekend. I'm certainly not the only person affected by this.

In any case - I'm going to be spending Christmas in Denver. There are beautiful people I love to spend it with and I do not want to negate that. People who have already invited me to join the party. I'm still however disappointed, sad and even a bit angry that I won't be spending Christmas in GR with my family. I'll make it. And it's gonna take a minute - or more.

Let it Snow

I only say let it snow because there's not anything I can do about it! Denver is going to have a white Christmas - there's no doubt! If you've been watching the news at all you may know that we've gotten (as of 7:15 this morning MST) 22 inches of snow since yesterday morning and it's still coming down!

When I got up yesterday around 5:30 it had just started to snow so I went into work and it got quickly worse and worse and worse. We were sent home around lunch time after a brand new Dodge diesel pick-up truck and a big box truck got stuck in our parking lot. At that point I thought we may be stuck in the building over night and I was not happy about that. I did make it home safely, parked my car on the street in what seemed like a foot of snow because the snow drift in the entrance to our alley was above my tires and I did NOT want to get stuck there! Then I spent the rest of the afternoon here with Sheralee and Vivian who works just a block from our house. She ended up staying the night because she didn't want to walk home in the blizzard (she doesn't have a car and wouldn't have wanted to drive either).

This morning even the post office is closed and we're being told not to go into work at all. The airport and the road to it - which is a 10 mile road - were closed yesterday around 3 and there are thousands of people still stranded out there. Right now they're saying it's closed until further notice. My flight leaves at 6:30 tomorrow morning - even if it does leave on time it is going to be a zoo!!

So for today I'm going to try and enjoy the snow day and pray very hard that the airport and the roads that get there are cleared up by this evening or tomorrow morning at the latest.

Oh Holy Snowballs Batman

It is snowing like crazy here! Supposed to have 16 - 24 inches by noon tomorrow. I watched it get worse while I was getting ready and at this point I'm just praying that we get sent home early and that I can get back to Michigan on Friday!

A NON-exhaustive List

This is a highly non-exhaustive list of songs I'd like to stage a protest to have taken off the radio:

1 - Gayla Peevy, I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
2 - James Blunt, You're Beautiful
3 - John Mayer, Waiting on the World to Change
4 - Sixpence None the Richer, Kiss Me

I only write this list in this moment because I have been hearing numbers 1 and 3 way too much lately! #1 is just irritating and dumb. #3 is irritating and dumb because if you're going to waste a bunch of time singing about or listening to a song about waiting on the world to change why not use those minutes and create some of that change you'd like to see.

Whew - feels good to get that off my chest.

Happy 200th Post!

So according to blogger this is my 200th post. I haven't gone through and counted, I'm going to take their word for it. I am however feeling some self-imposed pressure to make this a good one.


In my very first post I made some general statements about what I wanted this blog to be about including the following:

I'm hoping this blog will be a healthy place to continue to explore transformation. Plus - wierd stuff happens to me all the time, which I always love to share, so hopefully I can entertain someone out there with the bizarreness of being me.

I hope that I've entertained you with some of the bizarre things that I experience and the crazy that is living inside my head. Most of all though, I hope I've pulled you into the painful, intense, beautiful, glorious transformation that the past year has been for me. I have learned so much about how to love, how to hurt, how to become even more independent (sorry Mom), and how to lean in and on those around me more. I've learned how to search for God and Truth, I've learned so much about love and Love, and on most days my orientation toward the world is 180 degrees from where it was before I moved to Denver. I use the move as a benchmark because it's easy to pin point and the loss of almost everything familiar catapulted me headfirst into this process. In a way that I don't think living in Grand Rapids ever would have.

As much as this process has and is kicking my ass I want so much to continue on this path. The changes I see in myself I love. I truly believe I'm a better person than I was before. And this process makes me long for more - like I said a couple posts ago - the more I taste of it the more I want. Simultaneously it scares the crap out of me to say that - because transformation comes at a cost that I'm not always sure I'm willing to pay

So to every single person that has been a part of this - those of you I see, those of you I only interact with digitally, and those of you who just come and read - THANK YOU! And to the God I'm beginning to know and can not even pretend to understand - take me where you will and make me who you want and comfort me when I'm paying the costs.

Love to you all, mgd

Rule #1 of Online Stalking

Don't slip and let out facts that you only could have found on myspace in conversation until after you let on that you've found someone on myspace. When you do be sneaky by saying "Hey are you on myspace? Cause we should be friends." Then, the next day, after you make myspace friends...that's when you mention something that you only could have learned on myspace. Now, be aware that many people will see through this little piece of etiquette. That's the point of etiquette anyway though isn't it?

And here's a silly picture of the brunette:

Doubt

I've been spending sometime today when I needed a break from tedious data work reading and for the first time in a while participating in a discussion at badchristian.com about doubt and it's place for a Christian. As I was growing up I distinctly remember being told that it was okay to doubt your faith and to ask questions - however it seemed as though it was okay as long as you were working yourself back to a good CRC belief system. Or at least reformed.

This doesn't seem to be enough for me however. I've always been one to have to do things my own way, just ask my Mother, she'll be happy to tell you that my first words were not mama or dada they were a complete sentence: "I can do it myself". But I digress. I reached a point probably during college where the reasons "that's the way we do it" or "that's the way it's always been done" were not enough. There had to be a reason the first person did things that way. My favorite anecdotal example being the woman who cut the ends off of her pot roast before putting it in the oven to cook. Someone asked her why she did it that way - she said it was because her mother did. When she asked her mother, the mother answered that her mother had done it that way. When the mother/grandmother was asked about she answered that the roasting pan she had was too small to fit the entire roast in so she cut off the ends. It had everything to do with getting by, nothing to do with the quality of that meat.

I wanted to know about the why of the practices. I was taught a lot of theology and catechism and right and wrong ways to act. Except the right and wrong ways to act were never tied into the theology and catechism - it was more about the way everything had always been done and worrying whether people were thinking you were holy enough. And when there wasn't a satisfying answer to why we did the things we did I started to question why we believed the things we did and in my quest I've found so many things that make more sense to me. And I've found when I understand why some of the old things are I identify with them as well.

All this to say I don't know that I really knew what I believed, what I wanted, where I was going until I started doubting and asking questions. With no target in sight except that of Truth with a capital T. I still don't have really much of any answers - in fact the more I question things the more questions present themselves. It's like when you hit that moment in school where the more you learn the more you realize you really know a speck compared to what is available to be known. And honestly I feel as though I've grown in relationship to God (however you choose to understand that) in the questioning - it's as if the message I'm getting is "Hey, you're finally trying to get to know me. I like that...let's keep doing it ." So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm a Brunette

For the first time ever. And I'm freaking out a bit. I think I like it - and it's a big change. Hope I'm not crying over it in the morning.

Prioritizing

So it seems that I'm not correctly prioritizing my job functions at work. I think this stems from only being here 8 weeks to this point and so I'm still figuring things out. However - I think that perhaps a bigger issue is that I've been naturally drawn to the tasks I've been spending more time on. I have more experience with those tasks and I enjoy them more. The function I've not put enough time and effort toward is something that I don't enjoy so much and haven't practiced and therefore am not very good at. So it seems it's time again to push outside the box and learn and grow.

I understand this cognitively. I have no motivation aside from wanting to keep my job to do it. Partially because I believe that persuasion is not one of my strengths. I don't think it ever will be. Is that so terrible? What I really want to do is ask to have this job function be taken away from me - I have more than enough work to keep me busy with all the other things I'm responsible for. And - with the way the company is structured I'm fairly certain that's not a possibility.

So - now I'm going to stop avoiding with this blog posting and start working. Wish me luck!

When I'm Thankful for Self Control

We had a work party on Saturday night. I had a great time - Dave even came out and danced - how sweet is that! Anyway - to the picture - a portion of the party was a karaoke contest. Brianne and I entered singing Glora Gaynor's "I Will Survive" which is in fact in my opinion a perfect karaoke song. (Did you know that Mary once met Gloria Gaynor...she says that every time the song is mentioned and so now I always think of it too.) In any case this morning a bunch of pictures were posted on our company's internal website - including about 5 that look like this. I'm so glad that I didn't do anything more crazy because I think it would probably have been captured forever. I'm a little dissapointed though that there weren't any pics of the dance lessons. I would love to be able to remind Dave how good he is. So he'll keep dancing with me.

PS - Look at this cute pic too :)

So Worth It

Oh my! I am a dork. I had so much fun at Messiah last night. The chorus I couldn't think of last night was "He Trusted in God" and of course I forgot to mention the trumpets at the end. I heart those trumpets.

Here's to Christmas! I am still completely affected by the Christmas spirit!

I am So Excited!

Perhaps some would say my inner grandma is coming out. Others would say she's out. That she's a big part of me. I tend to agree to a point. The reason I bring this up now is because in this moment I am so excited to go see the CSO perform Handel's Messiah. Messiah has been a part of my Christmas tradition since about middle school I think. I used to hate going! I can't believe my parents brought us as much as they did because I think we fell asleep through a lot of it. Now though, especially after analyzing the snot out of it in music classes at Calvin and singing it for a few years, I love going every Christmas. So to me it's not so much my inner grandma as it is Christmas tradition. I'm sure you have some. I really hope they haven't cut my favorite chorus "Let All the Angels of God" - it's one that gets cut a lot. There are other favorites that I'm sure haven't hit the cutting board though - like "Comfort Ye" and the line "They shoot out their lips" (what does that even mean) and there's another one I can NOT think of right now because there's other music playing in my house. It's bothering me...I'll let you know if/when I think of it. It's a fun one to sing...in part two or perhaps three. Anyway...I'm off to celebrate my Christmas tradition.

What the?!?

I've had a lot of crazy experiences. Today, Thursday, December 7, 2006 is nearly at the top of the list. By 9:00 this morning I had been kicked out of my office with all my coworkers for reasons we didn't really understand. We're told it's back to work as usual tomorrow. That in my opinion, is not possible under the circumstances. I don't know what to believe, or who to trust. I just know that I'm disappointed that I've finally found a job that I like and now it's time to start keeping tabs on the job boards again. I'm trying to calm down. I just have no trust in management at the moment - especially since I heard bunches of different stories about what was happening today. And I'm the new girl - totally fireable. So here's to calming down and finding the truth in the circumstances.

The Sound of Sheer Joy

Cheyenne has learned to sit up. What a big girl. And it sounds like she's pretty proud of herself too...

New Perspective for Advent

I think I'm starting to feel better. Snuck out of work a bit early today because I was just plain done. And now that I'm home I'm starting to feel more like myself. I even have a bit of an appetite. Who knew? I hate to say it, and I think it may have something to do with all the salt water I was forced to gargle this weekend...

I was struck today by Vivian's post about Advent. I think this is the first advent season that I'm identifying more with songs of longing like "O Come O Come Immanuel" and "Lo How a Rose Eer Blooming" and I'm sure there are more. There's so much of me that in a new way understands that longing for Messiah to show up and save me from circumstances. It's bigger than that too thought - save me from a way of life that could be so much better. Save me from the things around me. Save me from me. I think I still love the songs full of joy, however, it's the songs of longing that have more meaning for me this advent.

Made Myself Sick

So I think I may have worked myself sick this weekend. I was out of town for a conference that I was hoping would be kinda fun. Turned out to be the exact opposite. Every time I turned around there was some sort of "emergency" placed on my shoulders complete with blame and shame and condescending. For the record everything went off fine and much of the stress placed on me was wasted energy. And I think that's part of what makes me the most angry.

But back to the sick part. I had a sore throat most of the time we were up there. When I got back to Denver I took a nap - because if I didn't I would have burst into tears over just about anything - and then went over to Dave's. Except while I was getting ready I decided to look at my throat and it really was fairly disgusting. So Dave got convinced I have strep throat (I don't) and very sweetly took care of an exhausted me for the evening. Then this afternoon my stomach started to feel very very upset. So I took another nap and ate some chicken soup and now I'm starting to feel a bit better...thankfully.

I'm sure I'll be able to explain the horror of this weekend a bit more when I'm feeling a bit better. It was fairly horrible though.