Experiencing the Theory

Well it's Saturday. Hooray! And I've actually gotten some things done around the house - like do the dishes from the entire week since I haven't done them at all this week! And Viv and I are going to Thornton later! I do not like the suburbs and yet it's nice to be able to hit Ulta, Old Navy and Walmart all in one fell swoop.

Last night I had a beautiful night at the Cork House and then on our porch with good friends, good food and good drinks. And today I am struck again with sadness and anger about some of our realities. We had a lot of good laughs at reality's expense last night. The laughs being funny because of all the bizarre perceived realities in them. I want to be able to step outside of it. I want to be able to escape the pain, sadness, anger that I feel right now to see the truth. To see reality. Because I have a hunch that what I will see is all the things I think are the point, all the things that are f-ed up and painful, all the ways in which it seems to me as though I've made choices that have sent the collective us down a destructive path aren't the point. Jesus had a way of showing people the things they thought were the point aren't the point. The point is him. I wish he would show that to me. I want to believe it. I have great examples of people believing it. And I'm tired of borrowing. I want to experience it for myself. Is it too much to ask to believe an experience instead of an idea? Cause right now it feels to me like another theory - an idea that's good in theory but not in practice.