Waiting.

I'm waiting for a very important phone call. I jump and my heart starts racing every time the phone rings. I feel sorry for the person on the other end - I'm genuinely happy to talk with my friends and family, and I'm simultaneously dissapointed that it's not this one call. I think the dissapointment is what comes through.

Today I'm Breaking the Rules

• I'm wearing jeans.
• I'm listening to the radio.
• I'm chatting on gmail.
• I'm not affixing my front license plate.

Yup - I'm a rebel. And I've been caught. By the Denver Police - but just for the license plate thing. They don't care that I'm listening to the radio. So I'm busy trying to weed out my registration and proof of insurance and I'm shaaaaaking like crazy. Here's a little taste of what happened next:

Police officer trying to help (i think): "M'am, it's going to be okay, you can stop shaking."
Maria: I'll try. (As if I could turn it off.)
P: Have you been pulled over before?
M: Yes
P: There aren't an warrants out for your arrest are there?
M: Not that I know of (dear god this feels a bit familiar...starting to get paranoid)

[P leaves to write ticket]

P: Blah, blah, ticket, blah. Be careful now.
M: I will. (because I'm just glad you didn't arrest me!) {There was NO reason for him to...just for clarification.}

A Blanket Apology

Why is it that when I'm stressed out I lose any sort of tolerance. Except for maybe alcohol tolerance, maybe. Right now I have a lot on my mind - I'll post about it here in time, for now it's staying off the blog. Since my stress tolerance is completely used up trying not to explode over this issue, my tolerance for anything else is completely non-existent. There is a girl I work with who drives me nuts on a regular basis. Usually I can just brush it off, and for the last two days I barely speak to her civilly. (if that's even a word.) Last night I was trying to give directions to a friend and there were a lot of people trying to help and I snapped - I'm sorry. It was completely undeserved, all about me, and you had no way of knowing.

I'm beginning to see (with help) a bit of what this is actually about deep down. And I'm working that through - slowly. For now I'm afraid I'm taking it out on people around me, and I'm sorry. I'll do my best to apologize when I see it. I don't know that I always do.

Some Observations, In No Particular Order

• Birds in the training room at 8:00 in the morning are not cool.
• I like to think that I don't need to be in the spotlight, but then when people around me insist on being in the spotlight all the time it pisses me off.
• If the little red dot is showing on the bathroom door - don't pull on it.
• Patience, when waiting for big news, is hard to come by.
• I have a lot more inner rage than I'm willing to let myself realize.
• Margaritas are tasty.
• So is rice made with coconut milk.
• There are days I have no threshold for dealing with my own stress - today is one.
• Happy 26th birthday Joy!!
• I heart festival food.

Rave: Sunflower Farmers Market

Sheralee has introduced me to a new grocer here in Denver: Sunflower Farmer's Market. It's in the lines of Wild Oats and Whole Foods only wayyyy cheaper and not entirely organic. What I love the most though is the produce section - it's HUGE! Everything is fresh and cheap! On Saturday I got an entire pound of Strawberries for 77 cents, and the red and orange peppers were only 88 cents each and I really could go on and on. I'm waiting for the sweet corn to go on sale - I've had a bit of sticker shock on the sweet corn here in Denver - 4 for a dollar is about as good as it gets. I remember it being much cheaper in Michigan...perhaps I'm just being nostalgic. The meats looked fresh and healthy and they too were entirely reasonable.

In any case I had a full cart of groceries and my entire bill was less than $50! The people there were extremely helpful and the bagger even reminded me that Wednesdays are double special days - the end of one set and the beginning of another so you can get specials from two weeks! Seriously a new fan of Sunflower Market.

Serving or Servicing

I haven't posted anything about my word annoyances on here lately so I figured it was time for another. Many of the people I work with insist on selling the company's abilities by telling clients that we will service them with top-of-the line equipment, blah, blah, blah.

Why can we not just say we will serve them? The mechanic services your car. Service is slang for fornication. We will serve our clients and in so doing we will offer them exceptional customer service. We will not service them.

I Could Be Allergic to the Midwest

I used to tease my sister that she was allergic to the Midwest - she would sneeze uncontrollably when she came to Michigan for the summer. Today I can not stop sneezing and it's gloomy and rainy out - much like a spring or fall day in West Michigan. Maybe there's truth in these allergies...

Can't Keep My Eyes Open

This picture says how I feel. Thanks VBT and ST.

If Ya Ain't Dutch...

(in unison now)...ya ain't much. At least that's how the saying goes. And according to the Denver Post, if ya ain't dutch, ya ain't taller than everybody else. Now I know the tallest man in the world just got married and he's Chinese but (drum roll please) the Dutch are now taller than Americans! Anyone who's been to West Michigan would have thought this to already be true (if you would have asked me I would have thought so), but now it's official. Here's my favorite part of the article:

"Does it really matter? Does being taller give the Dutch any advantage over, say, the Chinese (men, 5 feet, 4.9 inches; women, 5 feet, 0.8 inches) or the Brazilians (men, 5 feet, 6.5 inches; women, 5 feet, 3 inches)?

Many economists would argue that it does matter, because height is correlated with numerous measures of a population's well-being. The same things that make someone tall - a nutritious diet, good prenatal care and a healthy childhood - also are beneficial in health, wealth and longevity. Maybe even intelligence. "

Maybe? Maybe? I'd say absolutely.

Oh - I'm Not Your Honey

How do you ask someone you work with to stop calling you honey? There's this girl I work with - she and I have basically the same position within the company - and every time she says thank you or asks me to do something she addresses me as honey. She doesn't do it any other time and my gut reaction is to reply like this: {attitude finger wave} "Oh, I'm not your honey, so you can stop calling me that." I'm fairly certain this is neither professional nor productive so I've held my tongue.

Problem is, I don't have any better ideas and it irritates me to no end! It feels condescending, especially because she only uses it when she's trying to get me to do something for her, and in my humble (or not so humble) opinion it's unprofessional and unnecessary. So how do I ask her to stop without it seeming like an attack?

Extolling the Benefits of Product

I know I post about my hair on here a lot. I'd like to think I'm not obsessed, and, deep down I know that I am. And I don't care. Today feels like a good hair day. I was starting to think that I really really hated my hair and it was time to do something drastic. However - I've been doing nothing more than washing it and letting it go lately. A sure recipe for disaster. Today I broke out all the versions of product hiding in my cabinets and it helps sooo much! So here's to hair product. My waves are pretty, bangs smooth, and general style appealing today thanks to curl activator, defrizz serum and defining wax. That's all it takes people. That's all it takes.

IDK my BFF Jill?

I'm sitting at the table in my apartment using Wendy's computer for the last few precious borrowed minutes before returning it to her this evening. I've been glancing out the window at the people walking by - it's almost always interesting and today is no exception.

I saw a friend of Vivian's walk and then drive by in his car. His school is two blocks from my apartment and this is not the first time he's walked by. If he wasn't across the street I would have said something.

I saw a RTD bus driver TEXTING while he was driving a big bus! Maybe he was texting IDK my BFF Jill to a friend.

On previous days I've spotted two donkeys, a whole parade of bicycles and lots of homeless people. The seconds of conversations I hear as people pass under my window is also usually quite interesting. I should start leaving a digital recorder on my windowsill to record conversations as well as the music people have turned all the way up on their stereo while stopped at my red light.

Lost: The Ability to Cope

It hit me hard this weekend that I'm close to reaching the limit of what I can handle. I would like to think that I could rise to any occasion and then life hits and I start to realize that's probably just a pipe dream. I'm tired and exhausted and that showed through big time this weekend. It showed when I nearly broke into tears in the Apple store when a perfectly kind and helpful "genius" couldn't help me with my computer. It showed when I was out for dinner with a friend and found that anger was pretty much the mode of expression that I had left for that day. It showed when I left 15 messages for my landlord over a slow drip that had the potential of turning into a flood in my apartment.

I used to be able to go with the flow better than I can now. In fact I don't think that I really have that skill left to me in anything larger than deciding what to have for dinner or how to spend a Sunday afternoon. I would like it back. Mostly because it feels like I am in a vicious cycle of turning every little thing into a dramatic occurrence and wasting precious energy that could be spent on finding that center back. Until I'm in that calmer place I have a hard time coping which uses up the energy it takes to find that center back. Sorry for the poor explanation.

For now I think I'll try resting. Just plain resting in the hopes that I'll be refreshed and ready to face another day.

Happy Birthday - Country

I really wish today was also a national holiday. It makes sense - how does Uncle Sam expect us to truly celebrate the independence of our country if we have to think about getting to work on time in the morning? I am totally exhausted today, and thankfully it seems to be a very quiet day around the office.

One Thing Can Change Everything

So it's been a fairly rotten week - and yes I know it's only Tuesday noon. I was surfing the web on my lunch break and discovered that Rob Bell is coming to Denver in the fall. (http://www.godsarentangrytour.com/) When I think about the things I miss in GR the list goes something like this: Family, Burt, Fat Boy Friday, Mars Hill and Oberon. The rest of the list changes, but those 5 are staples. The hope of a taste of home in Denver 4 months from now has been a bright spot.

Cutting the Tension with a Roundkick to the Head

My office has become incredibly tense in the last week and a half or so. Which is saying something because I thought it was a tense place to be before! I need a tension cutting laugh oh, every 5 minutes, so I added the "Chuck Norris Fact Generator" to my google homepage. So every time I open google I get a funny little fact like this one: "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes." Most of them are about Chuck Norris round kicking someone. It helps. I can't explain it, it just does.