I was home alone last night; which explains a lot of what's going to come next. I genuinely believe that I'm a social person - and I also know that I use that to avoid dealing with my inner crap sometimes. (And by sometimes I mean regularly.)
There are a number of things I've been initially struck with recently but haven't gone down the road of pursuing, changing or questioning. Among them:
- I'm not currently in any sort of discussion, meeting or learning about God outside of myself.
- I'm not a visionary.
- My ideas of where I would be in life at 27 are not any sort of reality. (This one I do not like to admit.)
I'm positive all of these are interconnected in creating the grid through which I'm currently experiencing life. It was the last two that were causing me fits last night - and what I was thinking about instead of sleeping well last night.
I'm not a visionary. I'm impulsive and I live with a focus on today more than anything. This I believe is why I have a HARD time saving money, and part of the reason I'm unhappy at work, and why I never really know what I really, really want. This may seem counter intuitive to not being where I thought I would be at 27, but it's really not. I'm smart, talented, funny, creative and a whole host of other things that leave me well equipped to be "successful" as other people define it. The cold hard truth is that I however, assumed that by now I would be married and a mother. So I honestly really didn't think real hard about plan B. Here I am - neither of those things, and it leaves me wondering a hell of a lot of things - the number two being why marketing? Why am I in this profession? I know technically how I got here, I'm just not sure I buy into the fact that it's the best place for me. I'm in desperate need of a new vision. I'm dying for some inspiration. But I can't just go to the store and get some. So what next?
This is where my exhausted self finally fell asleep, and where I'm still sitting this morning. I've got nothing more. Not that this is the end or that I'm done thinking and pursuing, I just haven't gone to formulating the next step. Oh - I did dream of discussing bra fits with Melinda, maybe that means something.
1 comment:
I remember in high school when I was 17, a teacher once asked us to write about where we hoped our life would be in ten years.
I still remember most of what I wrote, and every now and again that comes back to haunt me because 10 years has passed and more, and I've accomplished so little of it. (I also thought I'd be married with kids by 27).
Here's the way I look at it:
1) YOu never know where life takes you. I've not done everything on my high school list, but by the same token I've done and accomplished some things I never dreamed of in High school.
2). When you're 17, you don't really know much about life. You think 27 is ancient, and that by that time you should have two kids and halfway to retirement. In reality I think the average age for new parents is in the early 30s now.
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