Coffee - Get Me Coffee

I think I slept for about an hour last night. Gah! I'm excited about the weekend and thinking about bunches of other stuff too. I haven't had a night like that in a long time and for that I'm certainly thankful. I can remember when it was weeks of sleepless nights saved only by the Tylenol PM and in the last few months I haven't had nights like this. Doesn't make this morning any easier though - time to start the coffee :)

New Title for this Blog

I've been toying with the idea of renaming my blog. My name is Maria and I do live in Denver. However - when I started this blog I was overwhelmed with the fact that I lived in Denver, it was all that I thought about. Now I've been here for two years and Denver is my home. I love it here and while I am still struck with the differences between living in Michigan and living here, it's no longer overwhelming. My thoughts now are more about life and what living looks like. I have no good name ideas - a good argument for keeping the name if you ask me. However, my thoughts are consistently coming back to changing the name. Huh. What do you think?

Hot in the City

I think it's going to be hot in my apartment this winter. My landlord turned the heat on yesterday and it honestly has not yet gotten below 69 degrees in my apartment. Plus it's NOISY and I really was hoping that maybe this building would be quieter than the last one. Oh well - nothing I can do about it.

(Not So) Random Fall Reflection

I think I might be the only person who ends up reflecting on the past year in the Fall. It feels absolutely random to be thinking about the past year as everyone else is gearing up to start new for fall by starting school, and watching all the new television and buying sweaters. I'd like to be starting a new job soon to celebrate fall and I'm working hard to do what I can to make sure that happens. Today marks my birthday and September also marks the move to Denver which sometimes feels like yesterday and other times feels much much longer than just two years ago.

But back to the reflecting, because I've been absolutely thinking about the past year for the past few days. It's been another year of intense change that didn't come without pain, as I'm slowly learning is the way of life. As I sit here reflecting I'm realizing that for the first time in a long time I'm feeling some sort of peace and contentment. I've been afraid of contentment, believing it to be synonymous with complacency. Thinking that the moment I'm content is the moment I'm missing something. However, in the last year I've settled into this feeling of being at home in the questions and uncomfortable in absolutes and I think I'm feeling the same way about contentment. Perhaps this means I'm learning that change is the way of life. And not in that cliche way that people are always talking about. In a way that's real to me.

Here's to the changes of the next year. May they be a little easier to experience the next time around and may they bring goodness, truth and beauty.

Oh the Luxury!

I took a two hour nap this afternoon and it was awesome! Feels like huge and yet easy luxury - I might need to do this more often :)

When I'm 64

Yesterday I spent some gorgeous time at the Strawberry Park Hot Springs in Steamboat. The springs were beautiful and sitting in the warm water in the natural setting was so relaxing!

At the end of the day however, I was left wondering - When I'm 80 what am I going to believe that my kids are going to question? What am I going to tell them that they are going to think is crazy or at the very least doubtful.

I can barely claim to be an adult, and most of the time I'd rather not. However - the more I live the more I'm convinced that nothing is certain. The more comfortable I am in the questions. The more uncomfortable I get when someone tells me that there's only one way to do something. Perhaps I'm in some sort of questioning phase and I'll at some point find the confidence that so many people seem to have in finding the right way, the right thing to think or believe. For right now I hope that isn't true - that instead I'll continue to ask questions, and pick things apart. It's the way I find that I grow and learn the best.

Feeling Good

I've had about three blog posts written in my head over the past couple of days and while in this moment I'm compelled to post, I don't remember a word of what's been running around in my head for the past few days.

I had a really good day yesterday. If you would have told me a month ago that even though unemployment was going to be taxing I would in the midst of it believe that it was a good thing for me I never would have believed you. I interviewed for a job yesterday morning that I think sounds terribly fun - yes I said fun. I think I nailed the interview and walked out feeling really good about it, and about myself. The rest of the day wasn't perfect - I tried to get my cat out from under the tub and that did not go so well (poor scared kitty) and I absolutely face planted when I was walking to have coffee with Wendy. I'm still however this morning feeling happy. Who knew?

I've been seeing a great guy - M - for a couple of weeks and I'm positive that's helping my mood as is having the opportunity to plan my days the way I'd like to plan them. I was thinking back through life and I don't ever remember having a time except for maybe some summer vacations, where I had this kind of freedom. It comes with it's own responsibilities of course, and, the freedom of it is fantastic.

It's Friday, I'm off for a day where I have no agenda or plan and it feels fantastic. I hope you can enjoy a day like this sometime soon.

Career Change?

I saw a job posting on craigslist yesterday that's making me consider a career change. What do you think?

Happy Anniversary?

Two years ago I arrived in Denver excited, scared and in tears. While my experience of the next two years would prove to be almost nothing like I thought it would be I don't know that I've ever lost that feeling of terror mixed with hope and held together with a bit of tears.

Sitting now in another world of change I find myself a much different girl. I like much of the person I am today and while I don't like to limit possibility I don't believe I'd have become me had I stayed where I was.

I thought perhaps I'd have more to say about the last two years of change, and yet in this moment I don't. Thanks for sticking with this blog for almost all of that two years.

The Silver Lining

I think all this free time I've been thrown into lately has actually been good for me in a backhanded sort of way. In an ideal world I would have a job that paid the bills and that I loved getting up for in the morning. I can't actually remember a time when all three of those were true for me at the same time. I've had jobs that I loved getting up for. I've had jobs that paid the bills. And right now I love getting up in the morning - mainly because I get to make choices that I want to make. I'm not tied to some sort of employer. Well technically I'm tied to the State of Colorado as an employer, and they're not asking too much from me at the moment.

I've been able to do some reading. I've been truly able to look forward to the small things - I recently told a friend I had never in my life been so excited about toilet paper and toothpaste. (As an aside - I learned the hard way that I can't handle cheap toilet paper. Had to get the soft stuff.) I've been able to spend time with people that I love and make new friends, and I truly believe that by taking care of myself well during this time of unemployment I'm setting myself up well to be healthy when I can finally get back into a job.

What's been on my mind lately is that for the last two years I've learned over and over again that life does not turn out how I think it's going to or how I'm planning on it to be. This time around I've been lucky enough to see that maybe life not going the way I've planned isn't necessarily a bad thing. Yes - I would have absolutely chosen to not be unemployed. Yes - I would absolutely prefer to be working right now. And - I do get to drink coffee in my bed every morning. And - I do get to spend the entire day with a friend casually going from one thing to the next. It's not all bad.

Almost Andrea

Thanks for your participation in the contest! Andrea's the closest - it's a Record Cutting Lathe. Sheralee, Richard and I went on Monday night to see a friend's work. A fun little field trip if you will. His company cuts masters for vinyl records and then sends them to a company that presses bunches of the records.

But do people even listen to vinyl any more? Good question - he told us that much of their business is from bands that don't want to be part of the digital establishment or really like the unique sound of vinyl and that there are only a few companies left that do what they do.

I'm going to be able to learn that machine eventually and help them out on a temporary, flexible basis when they get slammed. The process was fascinating to me and I'm looking forward to learning something new.

A Contest!

Last night a friend showed me how to use this machine, and it's highly probable that I'll learn how to use it myself and do some temporary work for his company when they're busy. Bonus points if you know what it is. And those of you know what I did last night please give at least a couple hours for people to guess :)

I'll tell you this:
1 - They're one of very few companies left that do this kind of work.
2 - Some of my training can come in handy
3 - It was terribly fascinating

Dreary

Fall has hit here in Denver. This morning it's drizzling and cold, but thankfully it's only supposed to last for today and part of tomorrow. This morning is one of those times where I think - hey, if I were working right now I would be whining about having to get up and going when it's so cold and wet when I really wanted to just curl up at home. Guess what - I can curl up at home today. How cool is that.

The interesting part, if you ask me, is that I'm feeling anything but dreary today. I had a fantastic weekend and the cool weather made for a great night sleep last night so I'm feeling ready to tackle today. There have been plenty of days where a dreary morning would have meant a dreary day for me emotionally and today is just not one of those days. I'm going to try and use that energy in ways that are productive and that creates more energy like this for the rest of the week.

In Other News

I think this is hysterical:

It's Friday - Really?

This has been a busy week - it was a short week, even for me because I was doing fun stuff on Monday. I've sent out bunches more resumes, been on two interviews, had to appear in court on a minor traffic thing, and I still don't know what the State of Colorado is thinking about my unemployment claim.

This was the week of interviews where I really don't have a good sense of how I did. I'm usually pretty good at reading people, however, I could not get a sense at all from any of the people I interviewed with this week of what they may be thinking. It's a bit aggravating because then I really don't have any idea what to expect when I hear from them next. Both of the positions are interesting, although at the moment I'm not over the top about either one. I know I could do a good job in each position there are just a couple of things about each that are giving me second thoughts. That said - I would accept another interview from either organization and would seriously consider an offer from either.

Emotionally I've felt much better this week and I think there are a lot of reasons for that, one of which is feeling slightly less stressed about paying for things and another of which is that I've been exercising more. There are a couple other things playing in as well - I just know that it has felt good to let go of a bit of the stress.

So - here's to another good weekend and another hopeful week. I take anything I can get at the moment.

Hopeful

I had a great weekend. I was able to spend some truly beautiful time with good friends and on my own and today I'm feeling so much better than I have been the last couple of weeks. It seems a bit strange to me to say that I had a great weekend, however, I've been doing what I can to take some days off of the job search each weekend. It's good for me, and there really isn't that much that's posted over the weekend. So I don't do it.

I was actually able to sleep in this morning and then ran a quick errand, exercised a bit, came home, and by the time I was out of the shower it was lunchtime. It was such a good thing - I felt like I had accomplished something and then moved on to the task at hand - finding a job.

I have two interviews yet this week - one that I'm going on because I'm curious and one that I really really want. Today I'm feeling hopeful about the future. It's not always going to be this way. I will find another job. Not having a job doesn't make me any less of a person. Here's to this line of thought and action continuing on.

I Heart Festivals

Luke and went to the Taste of Colorado yesterday. I heart festivals and I normally steer away from the carnival rides, so I'm absolutely not sure how long it's been since I've been on one. I think it may have been The Zipper at the Rockford Start of Summer Celebration a few years ago. I had so much fun - even though after the second ride, where Luke was in pain and laughing hysterically at the same time, I needed to sit down! It was a beautiful afternoon - thanks Luke!