Sometimes I just wanna say huh?

I have a beautiful new job that after three days I think is really going to be a good thing. And still for some reason in this moment I feel more unhappy than when I was at the last job. I didn't - and don't - believe that a new job would make everything easier. What I didn't realize was that in actuality the pain of the last job allowed (or caused however you want to look at it) me to lose sight of some of my core sadnesses and joys. And now that the pain of the job is gone the old pains are there. Front and center. I believe - deep down - that ultimately this is a good thing. I'm growing. And growing is painful. Just ask Hayden - growing her teeth is hurting - big time! It's hard though to keep the reality of growing pain in sight. I mostly just get frustrated that no matter what happens I can't seem to find contentedness.

So for now - I'm thankful for friends who love and understand. I'm thankful for people in my community who know better than I how to approach the deep sadness. And I'm thankful to have a night to sit and watch America's Next Top Model and American Idol! Here's to Joanie and Katherine.