Love

So for the past 2 weeks or so I was pretty darn down. The change of jobs had me completely lost yet again and longing for something familiar - specifically to the job and then triggering other stuff. And in it I felt alone. For a million reasons - including not letting people or Jesus into it.

On Sunday evening I went for a walk and I just started letting it all out. A common phrase around here related to surrender is to sit in your pain/day/joy/whatever and "ask Jesus to do whatever it is he needs to do to bring himself and Love into me in increasing ways." Now I don't like to say that. Mainly because I'm fairly certain that whatever it is that needs to be done will be extremely painful or hurtful and I'm not going to like it. So instead I've just been asking to learn how to give love better. And I'm starting to feel better. Coincidence, possibly. Mainly because I have NO idea how to love well and I don't think I've gotten any better in the past 3 days. In fact there were points yesterday especially where I felt like I just plain backslid. And - in it - I feel different, like I'm on a different path. I don't know where it or I are going - in fact it feels more like just being than moving or going.

Here's to giving love in increasing ways.