Random day...

The weather outside was dreary today...rainy and cloudy and cold! Right now it's 50 and I think that's the warmest it's been all day!

I thought when I got up that perhaps the day was going to follow suit - and it was anything but dreary. I started the day with breakfast with Jared and Jen Pope - so fun! Then I had an interview at Vivie's temp agency - that went well. Turns out I score well at Word and Excel and I type at 60 wpm. Good scores apparently.

Then I had lunch with Vivian at the cash register building, signed off my Cobra and found out how much my last check will be and then had a really random interview with a different staffing agency about a job soliciting businesses to list open jobs with the company. It's a small office in Denver with offices in a number of other cities. The interview was random...not so much an interview as an extended live version of the job description. Then the guy interviewing me put "the ball in my court" which apparently means I could have the job if I wanted it and I told him I'd call on Monday.

There's randomness in it - and the office felt good and the guy - without me even saying anything - talked about how he doesn't like to micromanage and something about it not getting angry and crazy there. Which was interesting because that was what I wanted to know and felt comfortable asking about management style and not comfortable asking about anger.

There's so much of me that just wants to take it...and it seems a little too good to be true...hmmm...I'll keep you updated.

Everything's changing!

Well - after being encouraged to do so and after considering many options I resigned from my job today. It felt pretty good to do - strangely good. I spent all day looking for new jobs on the internet and I have two interviews tomorrow. One at a temp agency that keeps Vivian quite busy and one with a staffing agency that needs a recruiter. I have a much better sense of some good questions to ask - and I'm hoping to touch base with Beth S for a few minutes tonight - she has good ideas about how to win jobs and how to feel out future employees.

I do wish that things at this job could have ended differently for a lot of reasons. Mainly so I could have left with another job in my pocket and also it just feels like a bad situation all around - for me and for the organization. Oh well - what's done is done.

PS - Dave played this song for us at small group this week - I think it's hilarious! If you click on the link at work please have the door closed or headphones on. And if you're related to me please remember that this is meant to be a joke...I don't really believe this and I don't think you do either.

Denver v. Grand Rapids: Weather

I've lived in Denver just over seven months now. During 98% of that time I've enjoyed the weather in Denver better than the weather in Grand Rapids. Yesterday and today however - not so much. It's April 25 - it snowed like crazy yesterday and this morning on my walk into work it was still there...on trees and other cold inanimate objects. It's been a beautiful spring thus far - I hope spring returns quickly.

In other news: I "rub my boss the wrong way" and that apparently gives him the right to treat me like dirt. The feeling is mutual dumbass and I'm still professional in every on-the-clock moment. There I feel better - thanks.

Silly Panties

You Are Silly Panties

You're a goofy, fun loving girl who is always smiling. You like your panties to be a silly secret - even if only you know. Men feel instantly relaxed around you, with a little instant chemistry too. Even though you're a goofball, you can be sexy when you want to.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Okay - I saw this quiz on somebody's myspace and I had to post it on my blog...mainly because we were having hilarious conversation about how yucky the word "panties" is this weekend...

F'in A Cotton

My friend Meghan says that all the time. I don't know exactly what it means and today it feels very real!

I am right now shaking in anger. It's 10:55 on a Monday morning - I've been in a meeting since 8:30 during which my boss raised his voice to some in the group (me included both times) twice. The first time when we wouldn't buy into his half-baked idea and the second time when we were voicing frustration with a computer system that is often quite frustrating.

I am so angry. And in the moment I'm feeling very hateful - I have no desire to look at him through the eyes of Trinity. There is never a reason good enough to raise your voice to your employees. I did NOTHING wrong. Dammit!

How to save a life

I heard this song by The Fray on my drive (yes I drove) into work today. Before I talk about what I thought I would like to apologize to The Fray and all other bands for my regular practice of pulling my own interpretations from songs that perhaps look nothing like the message the band/songwriter originally intended to send.

The song I think is about a break-up - perhaps a regretted break up. The chorus goes like this:

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

The song never really turns hopeful - it just looks back. As I was sitting listening to the song I wondered if we ever learn how to save a life. Ours. Our friends. Our neighbors. I truly believe that we were created to be salvific (hooray for my new favorite word) agents in each others' lives. I hope to learn more and more how this looks and what it feels like. It just feels so far away.

PS - Please don't post about how God saves. Thank you.

It's 5:00 somewhere

Not in Denver though! You know those days where you look at the clock thinking it's about 3:45 and it's only noon? Today feels like that and I'm done!! 58 minutes until I can go home!

I confess

Coming back from vacation has been hard. And it doesn't help that I don't really like my job to begin with. Yesterday I was so bored with what I was doing and so angry with what was going down in the office that I was rewriting the songs you sing in third grade about school and your teachers to be about work.

For instance, remember this one?

Deck the halls with gasoline - Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Light a match and watch it gleam - Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Watch the school burn down to ashes - Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Aren't you glad you played with matches - Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Use your imagination - it's not that hard to change it to be office specific. There's also Joy to the World and Jingle Bells that easily change. Plus - I was remembering a song about On top of Spaghetti - that one really doesn't adapt easily. Perhaps I can do something with it today.

For the record - my resume is now updated and my references have been contacted. Here's to a new job!

Extroverted Introvert

After two life-giving days of almost no social interaction I'm starting to realize more that I may just be an introvert. An extroverted introvert. Or perhaps an introverted extrovert. {screaming} Ahh - semantics! (and I won't lie - I usually enjoy the semantics)

Don't get me wrong - I love people, and there are many times when being together is extremely life-giving - and I also periodically reach a point where I just need to be alone. I think that I've convinced myself that to be liked, loved, whatever I need to be fun and the only way to do that is to live extroverted. Too bad that's not completely me. Too bad that's probably a lie.

Here's to true identity. Here's to taking space. Here's to giving space. Amen.

And the search is on

Wow - it's been 10 days since I've been at work and a lovely 10 days at that! First Burt and Tim came to town (in rain of course after we'd been talking about sun for 6 months) and we went up to Estes Park for the Radius Community Intensive. I was so sad to see them go - can't wait until the next time I get to see them.

Then Joy and my mom came to visit. We shopped like we've never shopped before, sat in some natural hot springs in the mountains, saw a Rockies game and I think I drove to the airport almost every day! Joy got to go to Target, which she's been asking about for 2 months now since she booked her flight.

And I loved having them here...I was sad for part of the time which feels unfair to them, and it was just the way things were. And as much as I love them, it is nice as well to have my space back.

And now that I'm back in my own rhythm - the job search is on! I am almost done with my resume and once it's done it's going all over the beautiful city of Denver. Can't wait to see what happens.

Exhaustion, beautiful exhaustion

I am exhausted (if you didn't get that from the title). My mom, sister Joy, Vivian, Sara, Hayden and I went into the mountains to sit in the natural hot water at Hot Sulfer Springs. It was BEAUTIFUL! And now I have some severe sunburn and I am completely exhausted.

Then the shame bomb reared it's ugly head when we headed off to the Old Navy Outlet at Silverthorne which I totally thought was only an exit or two further west than the exit we took to get to the hot springs. Oops - it was 25 miles further - and in the end probably not worth the drive. My sister did get some good stuff and she was happy. And the baby was crying and date night was looming and in my exhaustion shame took over. Still fighting it if I'm going to be honest.

I think this is perhaps why I'm getting so tweaked by personal responsibility lately. My shame brings more responsibility on me than is necessary. Yes - I had some bad information - and - we were all involve in the decision to go further. Perhaps it could be helpful - if we need to talk about responsibility at all - to talk about mutual responsibility. Just a thought in the exhaustion.

Shake that a$$

I realized this afternoon that it's been almost a week since I last posted. There's plenty of reasons for it - here's a quick run down of what's been keeping me off the computer.

1 - Eminem's Greatest Hits CD - Thanks to Maria D and her Oscar party I had a gift certificate for Virgin Records and now I am now the proud owner of "Curtain Call." I've been busy listening to music that often goes against everything I stand for and is yet so catchy I can't stop listening.

2 - Preparing for Radius Community Intensive - and by preparing I mean karaoke, Cherry Cricket, Mynt - plenty of libations, dancing and eating!

3 - Loving Burt and Tim! Two of my favorite people in the whole wide world came to Denver this weekend. It was beautiful to share some of Radius with them and to hang out and talk and eat and just be. I love these guys (hopefully picture coming soon) and can't wait to see them again.

4 - Getting ready to take vacation. That's right - I don't have to be back to work until next Monday!!!!! My sister Joy and my mom are coming into town tonight and I have this entire week off. I'm not even at work right now!

5 - Radius Community Intensive - we were in Estes this weekend for a weekend of learning more and growing closer to God.

6 - Being outside! It's spring here in Denver - I think it's at least 75 degrees out today.

NOT just another Manic Monday

So Megs read in Westword that on Monday nights at Club Evolution they were offering $5 martinis and $5 manicures so we decided to check it out. And the night turned into one of the most beautiful things I've experienced in a while. I was out with 3 beautiful people, we were almost the only people there, and we were all ourselves the entire time. It was quite Sex and the City! The most amazing part was to see the people there - the manicurists and bar tender and a couple other random people - interact with each other and with us. Fun for sure! There are more pictures on my fotki site.

mmm...beer

I'm not usually one for the online quizzes - and I saw this one on another bloc and couldn't resist. Also - one day soon I'll try the ruhot quiz that's always advertised in my gmail inbox. I know I'm hot - and I'll let you know what the quiz thinks.

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it. You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk. Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times. Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

What's Your Beer Personality?