Awareness

So I've been trying recently to live with more awareness. To me this means paying attention to the world around me and how things interact and paying more attention to the way I react to things. I don't know what I expect to get out of this, it just seems like a good idea.

So today, while trying to figure out one little thing for work, I stumbled across this web page and the joy and excitement I got from reading it was a bit surprising. I've been thinking in general about taking some graphic design classes, but I was a bit skeptical because I see so much creative stuff around me and end up thinking - there's no way I could do that. After being aware of my natural reaction to this little piece of learning how to use Illustrator better than I am right now, I'm more convinced that graphic design classes could be really good for me.

The Art Institute of Colorado is just a few blocks from my apartment, but I've been drawn to the Rocky Mountain College of Art & Design the last couple of times I started looking into taking graphic design classes. I think it's time I figured out how to take the bus there and took a look around.

A Selection from the Happy Mix

In celebration of officially being official at my new job please enjoy this happy song courtesy of ST:

Hint of Sadness

It hit me today - the realization that there's a part of my life that's never going to be the way it once was. I've known this for a while now, I've told people about it, and I thought I believed it to be true. I think however that I was thinking the same thing many other people are thinking - that I'm going through a phase and I'll eventually come around. I know now, in a new way, that it's just not the case. The weird thing is, while I don't want things the way they were, there's still a part of me that misses it. That will miss it. I think it might be about time for a good cry.

Step 2

(See Step 1 here)

I'm moving forward with selling my car. I've barely missed it and I figure that if I can get by on the coldest days of winter without using it I can certainly survive the next year or few years without one. Click here to see the posting on Craigslist or just keep reading (I'm open to suggestions on making this a better listing):

I have a 1997 Pontiac Grand Am with about 160,000 miles. It runs well, has a new radiator and only a few quirks that come with a 10 year old car. For sake of disclosure - it does need a new windshield and could use an oil change. It is reliable - I'm selling only because I rarely drive it. The picture below is of a similar car - I'll have picture of this specific car this weekend.

So - the details as I know them:

Year: 1997

Make: Pontiac

Model: Grand Am (I think SE)

Miles: Approx. 160,000

Doors: 4

Engine: 4 cylinder

Body: No rust

Asking price: $2500.00

I'll also throw in a snow scraper, a roadside emergency kit, a funnel, and other car related accessories that are in my trunk.

Only in Denver

This was the scene in front of my building yesterday at lunch time. I rarely leave the city and so I forget that Denver is in the West - ranching is big business and the National Western Stock Show is the event of the year for a lot of people. My assumption is that back in the day this parade of mostly bulls, horses and tractors was an important way to show off your livestock to the city. Yesterday there were a few people out - an interesting combination of 8-5ers coming out at lunch and people who brought their kids down to see the animals. I was just glad this was yesterday because it was downright frigid today - wind chills below zero - and yesterday was nice.

In other news I was at home today and took in a bit of American Idol. I'm determined not to get addicted this year but I have to admit I was getting chills when people got through to Hollywood. I'm such a dork.

Where are the People?

My social life lately has been pretty damn lame. I have a number of close friends here in Denver who I love and who's time I enjoy sharing. The flip side of that coin is that my social circles are fairly small - so I have many weeks like this week where there was really nothing going on. Making it feel harder is the broke that I've been experiencing lately.

As I mentioned in the last post this past week was particularly hard - much of that because I sat home a lot and my phone didn't ring and the people I normally spend time with often had other things going on. So, this afternoon I signed up for a couple volunteer opportunities and a couple of groups on a website called meetup.com. I'll let you know how these things work out.

I used to have the following conversation over and over with a friend:

Person 1: Where are the guys?
Person 2: They're not at church.
Person 1: They're not at work.
Person 2: They're not at the bar.
Person 1: They're not at Four Friends.
Person 2: So how the hell are we supposed to meet them?

We have yet to answer that question. I'm feeling similarly about making friends in a new town. I've been here a little more than two years and the people I know and spend my time with are all people who I met right after I moved here through Radius. Radius story aside, I wonder sometimes what my life would look like had I moved somewhere without knowing a single soul. Would I have friends? I'm a friendly person generally, but that first step of actually meeting people is sometimes hard for me. Anyway - this ramble is all to say - I hope that I can follow through on my New Year's resolution to meet more people.

Not so Bad

This week was a hard week. I didn't have a lot going on, and for some reason my phone didn't ring a lot - not my favorite combination.

This was also the hardest week I've had at the new job. I thought it was going to be my last week on the temp agency but I learned that the agreement between my company and the placement agency was for 400 hours - not 10 weeks. A subtle difference perhaps, but an important one when there are bunches of holidays in the mix. After overreacting for a bit I realized that yes, it would have been nice to know the full situation, and at the same time it was only a couple more days and in the long run it was probably going to be a better situation.

Then on Thursday one person that I work for was exceptionally hard to work with. She sometimes crosses the line from being demanding to being abusive and Thursday was one of those days. For some reason I had a harder time than usual letting it go and started wondering if I really did want this job.

I've also decided to try and give away my cat. I find it hard to believe that after 6 months he's going to do anything but sit under the bed and I really have lost patience with cleaning up after him and feeding him and talking to him if he's going to act terrified every time we interact. I think that he would be happier in a larger house or with another cat in the family so I've started the process of finding him a new home. (If you read this in Denver and are interested in a non-social cat zip me an email or leave a comment and we can talk.)

After all that - I had this realization last night that even in this hard week - my ability to cope, self soothe, and generally deal was so much stronger than it has been in a long time. That even though things feel hard at the moment, I'm still in a better place than I have been for a while. Also - my friend Beth aka Belle decided this week to take a visit to Denver and she comes in ONE WEEK! How exciting is that!!

Change

In the past week or so I have been excited by the possibility of change in my life. I suppose this could have something to do with the change of the New Year, and if this is the case it certainly is subliminal. I think it has more to do with the contentment and centered feeling that I've come into in the last few months. I again have hope that sometime in the future I will look back and say - wow - I'm proud of the journey that got me from today to that point in the future. It's exciting. Can't really explain it to you, but I feel great amounts of energy toward change.

Step 1

I took a first step today in my quest to save money, pay down debt, and live more financially responsibly. I canceled the insurance on my car (which looks a lot like the one in the picture). Well - I didn't actually cancel it, I took it down to the absolute minimum so that I can't drive my car but should I decide to reinstate the insurance I'll have had consistent insurance and my rate at that point would not be inflated for lack of insurance.

This is a trial period to test how my lifestyle would change if I sold my car. I rarely drive my car - mostly to the grocery, Target and an occasional trip to Walmart or the mall. I believe that I could sell my car and pay off a bit of debt and save on insurance and gas costs. Plus - most of my unexpected expenses listed in the last post have been car related, so hopefully I could avoid some of those as well. The bus goes almost anywhere I go and I could rent a car for about 4 days a month with the money I'd be saving on gas and insurance so if I needed or wanted to go somewhere I could rent a car inexpensively. I already don't trust my car in the mountains and so would need to rent a car anyway should I want to head up there. The thing I don't want to do is to be constantly asking for rides - thus the trial period. If I can make it work then I would like to. I'm sure you'll be hearing about how it works out.

A Dream

I have a dream. It's not as great at Dr. King's dream, and, I dream it nonetheless. I dream of financial stability. I can not say that I've ever been financially stable - a combination of not making the best decisions and outside circumstances. The last oh - 6 months - have been particularly frustrating including nearly $2000 in unexpected expenses since mid-November.

I really hope that 2008 is my year. Not the year that solves everything - but rather the year that I end up more financially stable than I began. This really shouldn't be hard considering where I sit right now, and, it still feels like a big undertaking. An undertaking that I am just beginning to consider and plan - as much as is within my power at least.

So - here's to a prosperous 2008!