Case Dismissed!

You may recall that about a month and a half ago Vivian and I drove over a curb and knocked off the front header pipe on my car. If you don't remember that you may also remember me posting that I was driving a different car. Well - here's the whole story, now that it's resolved!

Without a front header pipe my car was making a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad noise. One morning I had to be to work for a 7:30 meeting and got pulled over at the butt crack of dawn. The cop gave me a ticket for a bad muffler (after not writing me for a couple other things...) and told me to "take care of that god-awful noise." Which of course made me angry - did he think I LIKED driving the car like that? In any case at that point the part was ordered and I was just waiting for it to come in from the auto parts warehouse. Which I don't think is anything like Santa's warehouse. The part came. Dave and his friend Jeff fixed it - without needing the part actually - and last night I had to go to court because the ticket the officer gave me required that I appear before a magistrate.

So I went. I was really impressed with the patience of this magistrate - and that made me hopeful. He sat and asked people questions and they gave him sometimes heartfelt explanations and sometimes crap. It was amazing how after listening to even a couple people it was fairly easy to tell the difference. When it was my turn I had to plead guilty (I mean the muffler was broken when I got pulled over) and then told the magistrate the same story I just told you. And he said "Because of the circumstances I'm going to dismiss the charges. You're free to go." I said "Thank you sir" and left. Woohoo!

So in retrospect...don't drive over curbs! It can cause bunches of trouble :)

I've Caught It

I've caught a huge case of the Christmas spirit. I have no idea how this happened - I mean I was practically skipping in the Target parking lot today because it was starting to snow. I want to go retrieve my Christmas boxes from the storage room and get out a bunch of sparkly things. Not even sure what I have down there any more because I had no desire to get anything out last year. I think part of it is that I'm generally in a happy content place in life right now - and the joy of Christmas flows pretty darn easily from there. I apologize if it obnoxious...I'm fairly certain parts of it are.

Jen: This is mostly for you

Please note that a-Dave is at your house and b-you are not. Please do not mind the fact that I am paying him off. That is all.

Oh - and I uploaded some new pics to my picture site...please use the link on the right of the page labeled "My Pictures" to access them.

This is Not Obligatory

I am usually quite resistant to the Thanksgiving activities that include everyone going around in a circle and saying what they're thankful for. It rarely feels authentic to me - for plenty of reasons some of them having to do with the fact that for most of my life I was a kid and didn't really understand.

Today however - at least for this moment - I am sitting in what feels like a state of true thankfulness. Certainly triggered by the holiday, and genuine nonetheless. For those of you who have read this blog from it's inception a little less than a year ago you've probably caught a glimpse into the struggle that was this last year. I hope as well that you've caught a taste of the turnaround that has been the last couple of months. I sit in gratefulness in this moment for much of it. I'm thankful for

• the sense of growth that I feel - I'm not the same girl I was a year ago
• the discovery of the life cycle for myself - and by that I mean the sense of a life that hit a wall, died a little bit and is coming back to real life in beautiful ways
• a new job where I feel as though my skills and strengths are used, appreciated and encouraged
• a new relationship where I feel happy, loved and all those little butterflies people tell you about
• a sense of God for the first time in a long time - perhaps really honestly ever
• friends, beautiful people, who have stuck by me and listened, laughed, cried and given counsel
• 70 degree weather the week of Thanksgiving - perfect for open toed shoes
• all you crazies who keep reading this thing
• family, the blood related part that's thousands of miles away today and the family I do life with

And of course - here's to the feast of later today. I'm excited to relax and eat!

I Remember

I remember now why I didn't like the last two jobs I had. It's because I was bored. I wasn't engaged for more than 10% of the day and it just left me feeling ick. And that's how I feel after today. Only today I chose to be bored. This morning we found out that the company decided to make the day after Thanksgiving a vacation after all. Only not for those of us still in our 90 days of probation. 3 of 75 people. I felt completely singled out. We're already not getting paid for vacation days during the probation time which I think is bull shit. We were given the option of not working for no pay - which felt entirely not generous - and with the holidays coming up that day of wages seems entirely necessary.

I got all worked up over this. And did not really have motivation for working the rest of the day. So I didn't much. Work that is. And I walked away feeling icky. One because I was not acting as I promised when I took the job. Two because I spent the day putzing around on the internet. I'm not going to do that again. It's time to get to work :)

Tomorrow. For now I'm watching Bridget Jones Diary on TV doing some dishes and laundry and getting ready for Thanksgiving.

Wind it Up

Well I guess it's the weekend of the fall. Not unlike the summer of the skirt which was two summers ago officially. Last night after a dinner of sushi - which I'm really beginning to enjoy - Dave and I went over to play cards with some friends of his. I of course insisted on wearing open toed shoes because I love them except since it was cold and my feet were a bit smaller they didn't fit real well and I fell. Again. After almost falling twice before that. I learned my lesson about sensible shoes at least for today. I don't think I'll be able to learn it all that long though.

Also - I know I posted about this before. However - the more I listen to this song the more I LOVE it!

Another falling story

Last night was random - my life is so random - and I heart it! It all started with a party for work to celebrate a milestone achievement for the entire company. It's always a little off for me to be out with everyone from the company - a few people who I connect well with outside the office is fine - the entire company is an entirely different story.

From there I headed downtown for the final installment in the month of celebrating Jim's birthday. I had mentioned where we were going to a couple people I work with and they had mentioned they may stop by - which was great. Turned out that a whole bunch of people came by and it just felt random - and a bit off.

Then we went dancing - which was quite fun - although for some reason I wasn't feeling like staying out all night. So I headed toward home with the cake in tow. My car was parked on the street and I had to walk through this old warehouse district to get there. It's not as creepy as it sounds - it's all offices - a lot of design companies actually now. However sometimes the sidewalk has steps in it because of an old (or working) loading dock. I got to the final set of stairs down and my phone slipped out of my pocket. I watched it fall, took a step down and totally slipped and fell down 6 or 7 cement stairs. My knee is all bruised up today. I did NOT however drop the cake!!! I think hanging on to the hand rail is what saved me. Usually I can laugh pretty hard at me falling - this one kinda hurt...I think it's gonna take a few days before I can really laugh about it.

Curiosity May Kill Me

However - I don't enjoy having a conversation with someone I don't know. This is already a fairly impersonal venue for communication - so I'm turning off the anonymous comments. Please be kind enough to leave at least initials if you'd like to comment. Thanks so much! Maria

I'll Probably Jinx Myself

I heart my new job. This week has been strangely intense and exhausting - and I still enjoy what I do and where I'm doing it. That said - I feel quite lucky and at a loss for words because I've found myself on the good side of three fairly difficult personalities in the office. I love it! I also wish I knew what I did - and in the end I'm just going to keep doing my job as well as I can and know for myself that I'm doing the best work I know how to do.

Also for the record in 37 days I'll be home for Christmas!!

It's a Wonderful Life

Do you ever sit back and realize how lucky you are? I had a busy day today. By 10:30 Vivian and I were already talking about happy hour plans because it had been a rough morning. In the end we chose the Coral Room because we'd seen their chef at a cooking demo at the library. It was a fantastically relaxing way to end the work day. I thought it would be helpful to vent for a while and found that in the end it wasn't necessary. That enjoying a bottle of wine and a good friend was fantastic and enough.

The more I sit back though the more I realize I'm really content and happy at this transition into year two in Denver. Sure there's crap - work is crazy busy to the point of frustrating at the moment. The reconstruction of Radius is beginning and that's hard - mostly because it triggers everything from the past year and yet:

• I have a job where I get paid to do the things I love to do.
• I have beautiful friends who love me no matter what.
• I'm dating a wonderful man who treats me like a queen.
• I get to go home for Christmas.
• I get to make fun choices on the weekends because I don't have tons of responsibility.
• I live in beautiful country - the sunsets are amazing and the moon's been quite beautiful lately.
• I generally have a great life.

I am struck with this on a regular basis lately. In amazing and beautiful ways. So here's to life and living it to the full. I'm thankful to the Jesus for this. Seriously!

Two of my Favorite Things

Have you heard the new Gwen Stefani single? Vivian told me she had a new single and that it samples from something we all love from childhood. The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music. Then she went even farther and sent it to me! Ithink it's a fun song - enjoy it when you hear it :)

I'm Famous!

The Wall Street Journal online quoted my blog post about voting! How cool is that?!

http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB116292754906715812-fHan41i6iQ0YezIbB_xQ8_41PFE_20061207.html

Therin Lies the Catch

Well it's all coming back to me. Except not in that Celine Dion way where the two lovers are getting back together. Instead in the oh man was that hard and painful way. Last night was a beautiful dinner celebration for Jim's birthday. (Happy Birthday Jim!!) Over the course of dinner somehow Dave started asking Luke and I questions about Radius. We talked and described and answered the questions to the best of our ability. As it was all going down I realized (as I've realized on a number of occasions recently) that I have a number of open wounds yet. Wounds that have fragile scabs that crack off easily. I think I'm in for a good cry fairly soon.

A second thing that hit me kinda hard when Dave and I were driving back to Denver. He could totally tell that I was off and then very sweetly said "You know you can talk to me about this." It hit me that I wanted to. It hit me that I was afraid to because I was afraid of exposure. It hit me that this fear of exposure is part of the wound. It hit me that it would probably help to talk about. It feels like a catch 22. I didn't start talking about this last night because the fear of exposure is what feels biggest - the most real. Today I got more angry about that. Which while exhausting I'm hopeful that I can use that anger as energy. Energy to push through the fear or exposure to at the very very least speak truth about that fear. Also in there of course is the fear that he'll figure out I'm crazy. That you'll all figure out I'm crazy.

Time I Will NEVER Get Back

I've been taught that voting is a privilege. Today after 2 hours in line for 2 minutes in the voting booth it felt like a chore! At least it was a nice night and there was a beautiful sunset. Denver apparently has a new voting computer system and a new voting center strategy that needs some work. And congrats to Sheralee for being the last voter to slip in before the 7:00 cut off at the voting center she's voting at. If the pics make it online I'll post them.

McChicken

Apparently a couple glasses of wine in McChicken is where I'm from...Michigan - McChicken...you see the resemblance. I sure did have fun though playing euchre last night. I hadn't played in a long time!

I Wasn't Going to Do This

I'm so curious! I put the map of hits up on my blog to see if more people were looking at my blog in Denver or in Grand Rapids. Certainly those two have the largest readership - and there are tons of little dots up there that represent places I don't think I know people. Who are you? It's so fun to me to look at the map - and {insert whining here} I wanna know who you are!

I Still Heart It

I got pissed at class tonight. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that some buried anger came up to the surface tonight. And it was surprisingly strong. Do you think anger comes back stronger the second time around? I do. It had time to grow in there and I didn't even realize it.

When I got home The Parent Trap was on TV. And while I don't want to bury the anger and let it grow once again it sure is comforting to watch an old favorite movie. Maybe Mary Poppins will come on next! I can't wait to share the entertainment with this one:

A good day

At my new job I actually have to work and I'm pretty busy actually. Which is what I wanted and seeing as I've successfully slacked off for the past year it's taking a bit of adjustment. I'm tired. I'm sure it could also have something to do with the fact that it gets dark at 5:00.

I love it though. My new job is so random! I get to do all sorts of different things all the time and somehow, the ways unbeknownst to me, I've impressed the pants off of them (not literally) and there's a new employee coming who I'm responsible for keeping on track - which is interesting seeing as when she starts I'll have been there a month. One month. And every time I turn around I'm responsible for something new. I really like it - and I'm doing my best not to screw it up!

They like me so much that today I didn't even have to beg for a day off at Christmas. I just had to say please can I have a day off to go to Michigan for Christmas. Sigh :)