This is Irony Alanis

Happy Birthday Dad! Here's to many more. Today is also International Women's Day. So - the one day of the year that should belong to my Dad - who has four daughters and no sons - is International Women's Day. Take that Alanis.

Adult Conversation

Am I the only person who thinks that raising your voice at a coworker in a meeting or at all is inappropriate and unacceptable behavior? This is my second job where raising your voice in a meeting is an almost every day occurrence. Seriously, can we just have a conversation without someone going on the damn defensive? I know I'm a woman with fairly thin skin and yet I just don't think it's acceptable to raise your voice at me or anyone for that matter. Let's have an adult conversation where we point out different sides of a solution and come to a conclusion together. If we can't do that I'd rather you just give me a list of things you want me to do and I'll be robotic in doing it. Gah I am so angry!

I Wanna Eat Her Up

Summer Slacking

It is so nice out today. I'd say upper 50s if not 60 and the sun is shining - it is so exciting! Especially since I saw another car that had spun off into some snow last night on my way home from Divide, CO. Which is near Santa's Workshop. I can't make this up people.

The nice weather makes me so wish I could do some summer slacking today. I say this mostly because it's true, but also because the line summer slacking is from the song "The Way" by Fastball which takes me back to my freshman year of college. On Friday night Vivian and Sheralee and I were having dinner when another song that reminds me of the same year came on. I desperately wanted to remember "The Way" and spent at least 20 minutes trying to think of it. Sheralee finally helped and not 5 minutes later that song started playing at the restaurant. Also a true story.

I've hit a sad stage in the past couple of weeks. It started with an unexpected phone call from Arizona and, as is usual with me, it triggered me into bunches of other sadness that was there, right under the surface waiting to be let out. I hope that I can use this round to grieve better than I have in the past and to find energy to affect change. It's amazing to me how when I feel like this there is no place that feels safe, the littlest thing can get me in touch with that sadness and it is so easy to lose the energy to hold it together. I can't stop hearing the new Luda and Mary J. Blige song on the radio - Runaway Love. It's pretty. And for the last couple of days I've been thinking that maybe I'll runaway - because Mary J says she'll run away with me. And how cool would that be?

Anti-drama

Drama. I am so done with drama - at least the unneccesary baited kind. Seriously.

Is it Summer Yet?

I saw two bad accidents today where the cars were no longer resting on their tires. And a coworker was in a pretty bad head on collision. I'm done with winter!

Is This It?

In my life as I know it I've been a fairly easy going, upbeat, positive thinker. It's come pretty easily. Then I moved to Colorado. While the positive thought about maybe someday, down the road, long from now still seems accessible, the short term seems pointless. I change this, I change that, this happens, that happens and yet I don't seem to be going anywhere. Is working day in, day out, paying the bills and trying to do the best you can all there is? Because seriously, if this is it then I'm moving to Hawaii, working at the front desk of a hotel for minimum wage and live in a tiny apartment. Cause then I'd get to go to the beach every day.

I don't know how to explain to you where this is coming from. Part of it is that there are a couple of things I want(ed) so bad that have not and are not turning out anything like I thought they would. There's part of me that's dying to those things, realizing that I had put some sort of false hope about those situations bring happiness. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of watching all these parts of me die - some for good reason, some I can't figure out - and so many times nothing is there to replace it. How long do things have to die? Where's the bottom? There was a time when I felt myself coming back to life, and now just a few months later I'm falling back again.