Sometimes I just wanna say huh?

I have a beautiful new job that after three days I think is really going to be a good thing. And still for some reason in this moment I feel more unhappy than when I was at the last job. I didn't - and don't - believe that a new job would make everything easier. What I didn't realize was that in actuality the pain of the last job allowed (or caused however you want to look at it) me to lose sight of some of my core sadnesses and joys. And now that the pain of the job is gone the old pains are there. Front and center. I believe - deep down - that ultimately this is a good thing. I'm growing. And growing is painful. Just ask Hayden - growing her teeth is hurting - big time! It's hard though to keep the reality of growing pain in sight. I mostly just get frustrated that no matter what happens I can't seem to find contentedness.

So for now - I'm thankful for friends who love and understand. I'm thankful for people in my community who know better than I how to approach the deep sadness. And I'm thankful to have a night to sit and watch America's Next Top Model and American Idol! Here's to Joanie and Katherine.

Five things that are changing my life

1 - Lunch hours - yup an entire hour that I'm allowed to take without a guilt trip! In fact it's pretty well expected that I take it.

2 - The 8-5 work day - as in "Maria it's 5:00 and I don't want to push you out, but it's time to go home."

3 - Training - this one's a bit harder, and at the same time it's expected that I don't know everything. Who knew!

4 - Value - or perhaps respect is a better way to put it. It's amazing to be asked on the second day "so tell me again what you didn't like about your last job. We'd really like to keep you around."

5 - Hope - that life can and will be better. That it won't always be this hard. That wholeness is available in increasing ways. That negativity won't always have a grasp on me. That love and truth will be real and within reach.

First Day

So the first day was random. I started by reading through the phone manual - yes - that's the truth. Everything except the computer in the office is from 1970 including the phone and it is crazy - completely crazy. And it just kept being random of more reading reading and reviewing something else. I'm just so used to being tossed into doing something that it nearly drove me crazy. I'm sure it didn't hurt that I got perhaps 3 hours of sleep last night and so every time I was left to read I had to fight to stay awake and even when the guys were talking I had to fight to concentrate.

And after it all they still want me to come back tomorrow. Hooray!

Really? Fabio? Really?

I just don't get it...all these women tonight on Extreme Makeover Home Edition were drooling over Fabio. I just don't get it, I think he's greasy and icky.

I'm relaxing tonight and getting ready to start my new job tomorrow. I'm starting to get pretty nervous about it. And - it seems as though they already love me, I just have to be myself and work hard to be successful. I think I'm certainly in a bit of denial about how hard it's going to be. I'm just thankful to be given an opportunity to try something new at almost no risk!

Plus - at the Cinco de Mayo festival today we got some awesome carnitas and it turns out the restaurant that makes them is a block and a half from my new office...convenient :)

Here's to new beginnings!

Jesus hearts My Space

I was feeding my newest addiction last night - my space - when I hit a person who had Jesus as their number 1 friend. I never knew Jesus lived in England, or surfed the internet...I learn something new every day! So frickin random.

Hey - to all you bloggers - I need some help. I finally got a picture on my profile, and I want it to show up on my blog like everyone else does. How do I do that? Do I have to update my template with a link?

Sheralee and I are having a Cinco de Mayo Happy Hour party at our place this afternoon...hope to see you there!

So here's a little bit more

Recap:
Last Thursday - quit my job
Last Friday - 2 interviews - one temp agency one permanent job...also with a staffing agency
Tuesday - met with staffing agency again and took job selling their services to businesses and agreed to start on Monday

So for the rest of this week I have free to be me. And to get my mind around all this. And it's harder than I thought it was going to be. I go back and forth between thankfulness for having the space to process and frustration that all I'm doing is sitting and processing...like when you talk about something so much it turns into a bigger deal than it actually is.

side note - best week ever is on the today show...i heart best week ever

It has been great to have space to connect with people back home (Christy...you're next!!) and Sheralee and I had a beautiful afternoon drinking Margarita's outside at Wahoo's Fish Tacos. Perhaps it just comes back to change...and it being hard.

Quick update!

So Sheralee's computer has been down since Sunday - sad! And it magically started working again today...hooray!

I have a new job - I start on Monday doing business to business sales for a staffing agency. I think it's going to be hard and fun. The coolest part of the whole situation is when I said to the guy interviewing me that I don't know anything about the industry and he replied that I have the personality that they're looking for and are willing to give me the tools I'll need to succeed.

I'm excited for the opportunity. More later!